Eight Great Years!

Dan and I will have been married eight years tomorrow. Isn't that unbelieveable?! It doesn't seem so long, that's for sure, but then, it seems like we've been together forever at the same time.

Now, although I have plenty of sappy, loving things to say, they aren't going to be said on this blog! I'll say them to Dan instead, who will probably appreciate them more and not throw up a little bit in his mouth while he hears it, like you might if you had to read it. Instead, I'll take a cue from Caity's recent blog and talk about how things are with Dan and I today.

1. How long have you been married? Eight years.
2. How long did you date? Ummm...technically since I was 16, but I think we "knew" earlier than that: I was 14. That's 14 years.
3. How old is he? Dan's 29 - he'll be 30 in Feb.
4. Who eats more? At one sitting, it's definitely Dan, but on some days I bet I eat more just by grazing.
5. Who said "I love you" first? That's hard to remember. I think it was Dan...
6. Who is taller? Dan, by a lot - he's 6' 2"
7. Who sings better? Well, I guess I do, but there's a lot of untapped potential in Dan's voice.
8. Who is smarter? Dan would probably say I am, because I have all of this information in my brain, but when it comes to practical and useful things, it's Dan by a mile. I write better than he does but he can do nearly EVERYTHING you can imagine, so there it is.
9. Who does laundry? Me, mostly.
10. Who does dishes? Me, mostly.
11. Who cooks dinner? Me (or at least I buy it from somewhere!)
12. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? I do.
13. Who pays the bills? Our computer and bank work together on that one. :)
14. Who mows the lawn? Dan - I've done it before but he's, I don't know, 40 times faster than me.
15. Who drives when you're together? Usually Dan, but if I want to get somewhere fast I drive. It seems faster if I'm driving.
16. Who is more stubborn? Um, we both are, but I'm more vocal. Surprise.
17. Whose parents do you see the most? Mine. They live nearby.
18. Who proposed? Dan did. That is a whole separate post!
19. Who has more friends? I guess I have more friends, but Dan has more work acquaintances and interaction with the outside world.
20. Who has more siblings? If you include all of my stepsiblings along with my one natural sister, i have 8 siblings, as opposed to Dan's 7 natural siblings. But if you include HIS stepsiblings he has MANY more. In fact, I cannot count them.
21. Who wears the pants? Get ready - sit down - put down your drink - Dan does! I just talk more. The buck stops with him.

There are a few things that I particularly love about Dan that I want to post here, for posterity. :)

First of all, he's the perfect dad. Our kids are both enamored with him. He has a really deep sense of spirituality that moves him to tears, which I find endlessly endearing. He knows the value of work and isn't afraid of it - snow and cold won't stop him from fixing the car or taking out the trash! I have never worried about whether or not he can provide for our family's necessities, and some wants. He is faithful in his covenants. He isn't fake. He has a funny laugh - when he sees something he finds totally hilarious, he has this kind of high, "girly" laugh that is fantastic. You should hear it. Family is important to him. He puts up with my extended family. :) He is a talented artist. There is no skill at which he does not, or could not, succeed if he wanted to (cross-country skiing and ice skating come to mind - he hit them both on the first try.). He loves me and thinks I'm beautiful no matter how self-deprecating I am. We share the same goals and values. He accepts, more or less, my devotion to Walt Disney World. We like the same things, except for seafood, and the best part of my day is when he's done with work and can be with our family.

I've loved you nearly forever, Danny, and I'm so grateful you married me. I must have done something very right in the pre-existence to find you!

Oops. Sorry to my Loyal Fans for that Sappy Moment.

And I'm curious - what side of the bed does everybody sleep on? Just wondering.

Direction for a nation - Hoorah for the Bra!

Mitt Romney's speech? Spot on.

After this speech, Romney has my vote. He finally showed emotion and passion and conviction about something that is clearly close to his heart. His address went beyond his own campaign and reminded us all that America is a great nation, founded on great principles, where liberty is considered a right given to each person by God and is thus respected by government. If his practices as President stem from those principles we're on track. The only thing I think he has REALLY flip-flopped on is this NRA thing. I don't think he hunts, I don't think he believes that hunting is universally right (see the teachings of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young on this topic), and he probably doesn't own any guns, unless they are used for decoration in his study or something. But he must have felt that joining the NRA would shore up his support among us gun-toting Republicans. His other changes in opinion (for lack of a better word) come, I think, from a more careful consideration of the effects certain legislation could have in a long-term view. And at least he had the courage to change when he felt it was time.

Plus, and this is no small thing: Even though he has clearly been blessed by wealth and privilege, he has been successful in almost all aspects of his life (I can't really give examples of his failures). His success in business, in particular, hasn't come from his father or other sources - it's come from his own efforts. Why would he, all of a sudden, fail at being the President of the United States?

BUT - who cares about politics? Let's get to the good stuff.

A couple of days ago, Helena was shopping at Wal-Mart with my mom. As they walked along, Helena stopped at an endcap display and said, "Ga-ga, can you buy me one of these?" She was pointing at some bright purple bras. My mom said, "Well, honey, those are bras for girls when they get bigger." "But I'm a big girl!" Helena replied. (She had her there: Helena's twice the size of most kids her age.) "I guess we'll need to call your Mommy then" says Ga-ga, cracking up inside. So, the phone rings at my house, and I pick up. It's Helena. "Mommy, can I have a bra?" "What? What do you need a bra for, Helena?" I say, shaking with laughter. (I didn't know she even knew it was called a bra!) "I need it to cover my things and keep me warm when I go to bed." "Most girls don't wear bras to bed, honey." (Nice retort, me.) "Plus, they don't have it in your size, Helena." "Well, next time we go to Meijer maybe we can buy one in my size." "Maybe when you get just a little bigger, sweetie."

Also in the family news: Emma had a baby today! That's right, 3-year-old Emma had a healthy baby girl. Helena and Tanner assisted in the delivery, which occurred on our coffee table in the living room. It came right out of Emma's belly button and it "didn't hurt at all!" Everybody's healthy, but I think Emma left her new baby here at our house.

Speaking of babies, we found a Baby Pooh that is sort of like those Glo-Worm thingys: it's face lights up and it plays songs and stuff. That is, it does when it has batteries. Helena asked me to put batteries in it today - it's been literally years since it's had any juice - since she noticed the battery pack inside, so I found the AA's and put them in. When I pushed on Pooh's tummy, his face lit up and the song started and Helena got MAD! "Babies DON'T GLOW! They DON'T GLOW!" (Imagine her maddest face and a truly distressed voice.). "Take out those batteries! They DON'T GLOW!" A couple of hours later, I found the Baby Pooh That Shouldn't Be Glowing in the recyclables box. Nice.

And Hunter says Mama. Life just can't get any better.

Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for...it would take the whole post just to list a few of them! Basically I realize that I've been blessed beyond what I deserve and it brings me joy.

This year I was assigned (for lack of a better word) to make the turkey. I had Dan pitch in to help a little, because I could not stick my hand up the business end of a turkey without gagging. Here are a few shots showing our progress:


First rule of cooking: Make sure you have everything on hand!


We put the bird in the sink. I actually prayed over this bird. I realize that Heavenly Father must get a lot of prayers over the turkey on Thanksgiving, but I just didn't want to completely screw this up. After all, a turkey gave its life so that we could enjoy this tasty meal, right?


All bagged up and ready to go! At Rachel's suggestion I decided to go with the Reynolds Oven Bag. It was easy to put together and came with simple directions. Dan thought he could improve on the directions by "injecting" some butter underneath the turkey's skin; instead, he just put two little drainage holes for the juice to leak out of.



I also made some apple pies (someone else made pumpkin). After some practice I'm now able to do pies pretty easily, and it's relaxing to put the crust together, roll it out, smooth it carefully into the pie pan. One of the pies has an "A" for apple cut into the crust; another has an "H" for Helena.

I don't have a good "final turkey" photo, because after we removed the bag it all looked pretty messy. It tasted okay, especially the dark meat, but the top breast was a little bit dry. Oh well. Practice makes perfect and I'll probably get another chance to work on it in the future. Also, my pictures look a little dark. There's another area I where I could use some improvement!

Love at Home

I am a bit of a homebody. Given the choice, I'd just usually rather be at home (of course, occasionally I'm crawling to get away!). I have a friend (Tammy) who has a really nifty organization system she uses for the many parts of her busy-mom life, including her home.

We moved into our house about 1 1/2 years ago. In some ways, it still feels like we're not quite moved in. The boxes are unpacked and all, but there are little things that bug me; for example, when we moved in we just stuffed things into the kitchen cupboards and I'm realizing that everything isn't where I really want it. Also, and this may just be a function of having kids, but I feel like our house is in a constant state of disorder. Ever since I was a kid I've left a "trail" behind me, so it's not as though I'm naturally a neatnik (which is too bad for Dan, because he is).

When our home is in order, which hasn't happened since Hunter was born, it feels beautiful and peaceful and...still. It's best features can shine through. The sun soaks through in the afternoon and washes the house in light. I can go about my usual stuff and know, secretly, that my linen closet is in perfect order, and that a stranger could come over and find any pertinent item with ease. The kids would have just enough toys and the parts of each one would be together (as opposed to now, where they're spread over the upstairs, downstairs, basement, and occasionally, the van.).

There's something cathartic about cleaning. This is my point. My mom used to say this. I'd ask her why in the world she'd spend her Saturday on picking up the house, vacuuming, doing yard work, whatever, and she'd say, "I don't exactly like doing it, but I do like the result." Dan and I have worked together to clean up the basement before, and we have revelations, and conversations, and a tidy basement to boot.

I'm taking the longest route ever to tell you this: I found this website, www.flylady.net, that can take someone like me and give me a system that isn't obsessive but promises to leave your house at least acceptable for unexpected company. (You know that feeling: I have spit-up on my shoulder from 3 hours ago, I nearly broke something tripping over that toy vacuum, and there are crushed Cheerios over every horizontal surface and WHO IS AT THE DOOR?). It's wonderful. Actually, I relied on it last year to help me get ready for the holidays, with at least some success.

Rest assured I am NOT writing this post for anyone but me. It isn't like I wasn't raised to keep a clean house - think hospital, museum, etc. - but I realize the value of it without being able to get it that way.

Hurry, Hurry!

Hunter just went to sleep. Aidan went home with Andrea. Helena's out with Aunt Christina. Dan's putting his work stuff away in the basement.

Now's my chance to BLOG!

Okay, okay, don't get all worked up. It has to be short.

Today has been an exhausting day, right down to my weary bones. As a youngster, I used to think having a house full of kids would be bliss beyond compare. At this point I'm seriously reconsidering this! Do parents of many children have some kind of energy pill I can't access?

I was tagged, like, 3 weeks ago, and have I done anything about it? Absofruitly not. But I've been thinking about it. I am going to give 6 things about myself that aren't things I like, or things I do, or things I want. I'll describe things I AM, right now.

1. I am curious. There is NEVER enough knowledge in the world for me. I've been downloading random podcasts to learn more about everything, from "NOVA" to BYU's Kennedy Center Lectures. Being curious is good, but when I'm really entranced in a book or something I have to force myself to return to the reality at hand.

2. I am too self-aware. Or self-conscious. Don't know which is a better descriptive term. But what I mean is, I'm too concerned with how I look, or what I said, or whatever. I'm more cautious now in my relationships that I used to be. I'm not exactly sure why this is. Seems like I had confidence to spare in high school (maybe I was just a snotty and obnoxious teenager. Sorry to all of those reading this who put up with me then as now!).

3. I am more creative and capable than I let on. Now, I'm not tooting my own horn here (I'm a violinist and pianist, no horns for me!), but I've discovered since I had kids that I have these resources WAY on down inside of me that come out at the most fortunate times. I can remember the words to complete songs to entertain the kids. Or I make up a song. I can think of activities to do for our Friends Preschool that actually make sense. I can create my own recipes (not that I usually feel like it.). I really can cook, no matter how much I joke about my inadequacies in that department. But I wish I had more of a handle on the "homemaking arts" like sewing, knitting, canning, decorating, etc. Thanks to Holly's recent Halloween efforts I know it's not too late!

4. I have a cheerful nature. Of course, now I have more to bog me down (as Dan puts it) because I have more responsibility, but fundamentally, still there. I am also compassionate and really pretty soft-hearted behind the wall of humor and stoicism. I want to get rich someday but not to live in one of those disgustingly hugh McMansions and wear flip-flops with rhinestones...more money means I can help the people I love and the people who actually need it. (To someone reading this in Kenya I already live in a McMansion, and hey, at least I have shoes!).

5. I have learned how to take on and fulfill responsibilities. I think dependability is one of the greatest characteristics of God. I've also learned how to ask for help (at least occasionally) and decline with grace (once in a while.). I am not perfect in this area yet, clearly.

6. I have high expectations of myself. This is both good and bad, obviously. While it inspires me to be better it also creates guilt when I fall short. Also, it translates into having higher expectations for other people. On the other hand, I can understand and accept that, both for me and for others, we have the person we ARE and then person we want to BE and they're rarely one and the same.

Thanks to Caity for tagging me. This was a good chance to think about myself, my favorite thing in the whole world to do! (Just kidding.).

I have one other thing to say: There are a few principles in life that will lead to righteous living. But the great thing is, there are an infinite number of practices that support those principles. Here's a good example: Families. Some people have 4 kids in rapid succession. Some people have 4 kids spread over 20 years. Doesn't matter - each family did what worked best, and all of them "multiplied and replenished the earth." They all lived the principle but practiced the gospel in a different way. Neat, huh?

I noticed tonight that Helena knows a lot of songs. We were driving in the car, listening to a song (by Queen), and she said, "Will you turn it up?" A minute later I hear, "Oh how I want to break freeee" coming from the backseat. And Hunter, who gets more adorable by the second, has started to say "Maaamaaa" when he's upset and giggle whenever I put the phone up to his ear. In fact, he's giggling a lot. It's an awfully cute giggle.

If You Love "The Office"

I think it's pretty obvious that I DO love "The Office," and I'm not ashamed to declare my feelings for a fictional television mockumentary.

If you love "The Office" too, sign this petition supporting the Writers' Guild of America. They are on strike, trying to achieve just and fair compensation for "new media," like the internet, Itunes, etc. The long and short of it is, they have stopped filming the show and will not continue for the duration of the strike. I don't know how much our signatures will make any difference but it can't hurt.

click here

Fall Fun

This year's Halloween was busy! Helena was a firefighter, Aidan (my nephew) was Elmo, and Hunter was a monkey. We had fun carving pumpkins (well, Dan carved them, let's be honest here) and went trick-or-treating twice: once at my mom's office, cubicle to cubicle, and then around the neighborhood and to our family's homes later on. Actually, Helena refused to trick-or-treat in our neighborhood because our across-the-street neighbor is entirely lacking in good sense and has an absolutely TERRIFYING Halloween display. It's loud, it's dark, it features a scary mask and strobe lights. Everybody was scared of him.

But this fall we've had lots of fun just being outside, too, in the leaves mostly. I had Tanner and Aidan over (along with Hunter) while Helena was at Caity's for preschool, and they had a blast. Then Saturday we were all outside, either raking leaves (me) or jumping in them (everybody else.) I think that sort of weather is gone. Today we had snow, rain, hail, and more or less constant wind at various times. In a way it's kind of exciting: time for sweaters, gloves, hot chocolate, blankets, and figuring out how to skimp on that home heating bill! This morning our power even went out. It was timely, in a way, because we'd just had a family home evening last night about Emergency Preparedness. Although the power went out at about 9am, and it was already light out, Helena's reaction was to tear downstairs and find a flashlight immediately. "Come on, Mom, we have to get the candles!" Maybe something sunk in last night!

Happy Halloween!

I don't have any deep thoughts to share BUT I have some pictures! As good, or better.

That "Autumnal Air"

I went for a walk tonight. It was much-needed, and very fulfilling. Some of my friends have blogged recently about fall, and the after-effects of a big storm (with accompanying loss of electricity); my post tonight will have a few of the same thoughts.

I have a fairly sensitive sense of smell (call the Department of Redundancy Department!), and I noticed right away my two favorite fall scents: crushed acrons and cozy fireplace smoke. I used to think that spring was my favorite time of year, but fall runs a close second. Last night there was a vicious wind (invigorating in its own way), but tonight was very calm and mild, without any tang of winter air or crispness to it. I ended up taking off my jacket about 10 minutes into it. The whole experience was unaccountably peaceful. Right around the corner from my house is a street that feels like it just grew there. I can imagine what it was like before the houses were built, but I think it's improved now: it still gives you the sense that you're in the middle of a forest, but there are lives being lived quietly among the trees and lake. Just lovely. I ended up walking for 45 minutes under a half moon and all of the bright stars that go with it, and it was completely perfect. (Incidentally, I love walking at night. It's dark, so you don't get hot from the sunshine, and everybody has the lights on inside their homes and you can see everything: light fixtures, decorations, what TV shows are on. Luckily, nothing creepy yet!)

On Thursday night, I finally went to see "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," at the "dollar theatre" that only charges $2.50 for a seat. This is priced right, because the seat you get will present a challenge if you are larger than, say, a 10-year-old who's been rather underfed. The $2.50 per seat price is made up for by the hugely expense concessions. My dinner that night was a medium soda and popcorn for $7.50. What? Anyway, the movie was completely and utterly fantastic (but if I hadn't read the book a few times, it might have confused me.). I was by myself and so I didn't have to answer questions from Dan, like "why is here there?" and "what's going on?" It's not like he's generally oblivious, he's just never read the books and the movies have to cram more and more stuff into the same amount of time, so it doesn't hurt to have a little help. I called home as I was leaving the theater and Dan told me the electricity was out. This was bad, because "The Office" was coming on and we couldn't record it. (Episodes are now available to watch online, free.). Additionally, the power had gone out just as Helena was making use of the potty. (He went to get a flashlight while she remained, in the dark, on the can.). This was all kind of an adventure, till the next morning when I was bathing by candlelight and planning what to get out of the fridge so I wouldn't open the door too much. I took the kids out for a walk - well, Helena rode her bike - and Fireman Steve from our local dept. was trolling around town in his fire truck. Helena put her fingers in her ears - she's learned that at parades, those suckers are loud - and Steve asked us how we were doing, if we had everything we needed, etc. It was just nice - really nice - to have him stop and talk with us. He flashed the lights for Helena but didn't blast the horn or anything, told us the power should be on around 1pm, and drove on.

After the whole thing was over, I realized that I am not prepared for any emergencies at all whatsoever. Also, I noticed that I have interior lights on during the day way too much. We have enough windows that if I just open the blinds or curtains all the way, even on a cloudy day we have enough light. I discovered that I need to get the laundry done immediately, always, particularly when it comes to towels and underwear. AND, I was glad that we still had water and gas power. After spending so much time watching "1900s House" and the like, and marveling over the deprivation that went on there, I see that for generations of time, having no electricity or limited resources was the order of the day. We're so fortunate. Unbelieveably so. I mean, Dan spends a lot of time figuring out shelving to store our stuff...because we have more than enough. Clearly, we need more of the RIGHT stuff for emergencies.

Whew! I'm exhausted all over again. That was a wicked long post. Sorry.

Oh, and Big Fat Revelation inserted here: I am focusing too much on the wrong things in life. The thing to focus on is not exercise, or "me" time and the lack of it, or housekeeping, or whatever - the thing to focus on is the Lord. EVERYTHING else comes from that. Isn't it so simple?

My First Day of Seminary

I had to share this! I remembered it while writing my previous post and almost fell out of my desk chair.

On my first day of early-morning seminary, my friend Tom (who I later learned was gay - go figure!) picked me up to give me a ride to the Atkisson's house, where our class was held. Everyone in the car was exhausted. Luckily, Tom's car had a few things to help us wake up: no muffler, one window that stubbornly refused to go up OR down, creating a lovely wind tunnel, and a stereo that could blast Dolly Parton's famous "9 to 5" at top volume. I'm not saying it brought the spirit into that nasty old 1970's Detroit beast, but it was invigorating.

I could really go on with the seminary memories: Me vomiting in my teacher's van, Jake Viraldo smashing pineapple muffins into the driveway, Mike throwing a book at Jake's head, "good-morning hugs," me breaking the glass on Tom's front door...

But that's good fodder for other posts!

Salvation Through Music

I don't literally believe that I will receive salvation in an ultimate sense from music. Just wanted to make that clear.

However, on a more earthly, temporal level, it seems like music is sometimes the only thing that keeps me from a long-term stay at Northwoods (the local mental hospital. Incidentally, I've been there several times to visit a friend, and it's a pretty creepy place. Also badly in need of redecoration, particularly in the "lock-down" unit. Let's get some more stylish seat-free toilets!).

The reason I'm blogging tonight is because I feel guilty. Everybody's blogs that I read regularly have been updated (some with pictures! Snazzy!) and mine has been sitting here for who KNOWS how long. Since I have nothing of any interest or importance to say, and no new pictures to post (have to get them off of the camera, I guess) I'll just post the names of some good DVDs I've gotten from the library lately. Check them out!

1900 House
1940s House
Manor House (as you surmised, these are all from the same series. They are very absorbing - reality tv for PBS fans)
Jonestown (CREEPY! Don't watch it, Caity!)
China From the Inside
The Living Weapon (American Experience series)

Also, don't miss "The Hudsucker Proxy." You'll be sorry! And if you haven't seen "Steel Magnolias" yet, well, I think that's just un-American.

I'm off to bed. Deep down I'm a night person but the kids (read: Hunter) are forcing me to be an "early-morning" person. I did early-morning seminary for four years...what happened?

"The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize!"

Negative Nellie!

Seems like all of my posts lately have been negative, which doesn't really reflect my state of mind. I received some wonderful counsel from Heavenly Father this weekend, including but also independent of General Conference, and the weather has FINALLY turned to autumn, which thrills me to no end. Plus, I have a kind and generous family who are always willing to help (thanks Caity, Christina, David, Andrea, Mom, Dan!).

But today was kind of bad. Not all bad, just parts. Helena's really suffering from having Aidan here. Most of it is subconscious, I think, but it's a combination of regression and anger that she doesn't really understand. On top of that, she's been stammering more, I think as a result of the increased stress around here. Now, it's only been a week and a half since our new schedule's set in, but of course I'm worried and impatient and compulsive about everything. However, she has been helpful, sweet, and loving at the same time. Example: This morning Hunter tried to eat a bouncy ball (the kind you buy for a quarter from the machines at the grocery store.). Helena came running to me: "Hunter's trying to eat that ball!" I scooped it out of his mouth and thanked Helena for (more or less) saving his life. She patted me on the shoulder and said, "I'm your big helper, Mom." Indeed! (Then we did a big childproofing cleanup.)

I have a plan for what to do (thanks to prayer!) but wish I could feel calm emotionally and mentally about everything. My mom said my grandma dealt with regression (upon the birth of a new sibling, or when Grandma's parents moved in with them) by just ignoring it, and it went away. Unfortunately, now you feel like a jerk if you don't get super-early intervention for everything!

Anyway - send me some love, everybody! Who doesn't need it?

And in the middle of all of this, I feel like my problems are dwarfed by the problems my good friend is dealing with. Now that is someone who truly needs prayer.

Here's a line from an Alison Krauss song that has nothing to do with anything, but I think it's beautifully descriptive:
"We'll rise above the scarlet tide that trickles down from the mountain and separates the widow from the bride."

On the Up Side...

Two pictures that I love of two people I love most:

Prayer

I've noticed that I've been asking a lot of questions from my Loyal Readership on this blog (which is also my personal journal...go figure, I guess my life has no secrets!). I have a problem - a not small one, but still not something I want to hash out on this blog - and I want to pray about it. I have already prayed about it in the past. The trouble is, everything you read says you should try to figure it out "in your mind and in your heart" before you go to the Lord. Do I have to have it figured out, then ask Heavenly Father if I'm on the right track? Because my problem is SO not figured out. I've got no idea what to do about it.

So do I just pray anyway? And just keep praying until I get some inspiration? HELP!

Also, things have been pretty hectic with having three kids, but truthfully it's my own (Helena) that's the hardest. She's obstinate about things and starting to regress, doing lots of things just for the attention, good or bad. Oh dear. I keep saying "it's just an adjustment period" but I'd like to have a date for when the adjustment will be complete! Bless her, she has so many good qualitities, but I feel myself focusing on the bad.

Dan has this quote on a post-it note on his computer screen: "Be the change you want to be." - Gandhi

Good advice.

Oh, My Aching Head

Nice title. Oh well - my creativity level is somewhere in the 0th percentile.

Sorry to be sort of a downer, but I'm having a terrible night. I'm not feeling well (headache and nausea), obviously up too late, worried and stressed about some upcoming stuff. Still, I think that I have a lot to be grateful for, and although I've done this little exercise before, I'm going to go through it again, in list form.

What I'm So Grateful For:

Our new mattress/bed
Hunter's good nature
Helena's occasional willingness to help and constant concern for me
Dan's efforts at being understanding and his success at bringing calmness to my brain
The DIS Unplugged Podcast
My blogging friends
Washer/dryer
"The Office"
The ability to play the piano
The gospel...the gospel...the gospel (how does anyone function without this most important component?)
Pithy insights and revelations about the small stuff
My grandparents (who will soon get a big, fat, post of their own), who are preparing my mobile home in heaven!
Music

Now I'm off to sleep...and here's the song running through my head:

"Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away!"

What's your favorite Cheap Trick song?

Port Orleans Riverside

I'm borrowing some pictures I found on a Disney-devoted site (and if you think I'm nuts, you should check out THESE people!). They are of the resort that we'll be staying at on our next trip to The World. It's a beautiful place, and you know what? I could really care less that it's not "real." It's themed around the Old South - both the genteel plantations and the Louisiana bayou. The best part about this is that it doesn't include some of the features the "real" versions of these places have, like alligators, enormous insects, slightly crazy Cajuns (just kidding, just kidding!). I'm not going to rant about why WDW is so important to me, because I've done it before on this blog, but maybe a few pictures will help my Loyal Following see that it is, at least, really beautiful.

Not Enough Words

I love my children. Who knew I would ever have a little girl and little boy who were so wonderful? I never expected to be cheering my 3 year old daughter on as she wrapped up her 100-piece Strawberry Shortcake puzzle, congratulating her on writing her first "N," almost crying when she says "Mom, I love you." I didn't think I'd ever actually try to hit the one-million-kisses mark with my baby boy, or be so charmed by his constant, gummy smiles, or "waste" 20 minutes watching him sleep. I had no idea that any earthly thing could make me so happy, it could just break my heart, but my kids do it every day. Don't get me wrong - sometimes it's hard, sometimes they push me to my Patience Limit, but it lasts for a few minutes and I'm back to Dorkdom. So, dear reader (is anyone reading this???), exercise forgiveness when I brag about them or act like they're the best and only kids on earth. It's just brief and momentary insanity that, hopefully, will last just a bit longer.

Squinting

That's a one-word description of what I'm doing right now. Dan took away the 22-inch monitor I used to use with this laptop (for work purposes) and I am now squinting at a 15 inch?? laptop monitor. Let's take a moment to be grateful for a nice laptop.

I'm going to attempt, once again, to add pictures to my blog. I'm not that technologically adept (yeah, big surprise, I know!). Big Dan just bought a new digital camera, bringing us into the new millenium. We're excited to get it in the mail next week. Maybe soon I'll have some GOOD pictures! In the meantime, here are some sweet ones of a little photo session we tried to get in with Helena and Hunter. Also featured is an (almost indecent) photo of Hunter bathing in his favorite place - the deep side of the kitchen sink.

Reality TV and Me

I am admitting it now...apparently, I am a Reality TV fan. I watch "The Biggest Loser," "Survivorman," "Lockup," you name it. I don't actually schedule my life around these programs but I eat them up when they're on. (Right now I'm blogging while watching "Lockup." Actually, a guy just made an excellent point: "In here, you're forced to be still and think about what you want the rest of your life to look like." In a way, it would be nice for all of us to have that. But not in jail.)

I've mentioned this blog before but I'm going to put a link here, because it's been entertaining and occasionally valuable to me. It's called The Simple Dollar, written by a youngish guy, married with two young kids and living in Iowa. It includes great articles and links to other useful personal finance blogs.

http://www.thesimpledollar.com/

Hope that works.

I also have to ask a big, fat, personal question of the Blogosphere. Answer as you wish, or ignore it completely! You choose.

How do you clothe your kids? I'm wondering how everybody affords this. If I dressed my kids in whatever I liked, wherever I wanted to shop, we'd be broke and in debt. I shop good consignment stores, sales, etc. Because Helena's grown so fast, we've bought 6 years worth of clothes in 3 years (she wears a 6 or 6X). It's expensive! I think if I were REALLY diligent I could get more at yard sales but I don't have the time for it, and now it's past that season. SO, any tips would be appreciated.

"If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got."

Fat March

My blog has become a confessional. It's like being on "Real World" without anyone watching!

I love "Fat March." I came into this ABC reality show about 3 weeks after it started but I caught up with the free online episodes. I can't IMAGINE walking so many miles. I wonder what it would be like to do something like that...I've been walking a lot lately, under the guise of "training" for WDW (where the average person walks between 5 and 7 miles a day.) It's motivating, don't get me wrong, but the Fat March people get HARD CASH for walking. I really admire them all (well, those who didn't get voted off and are still walking) for pushing themselves so far.

Tonight I went grocery shopping. Dan and I have decided to try the cash "envelope system" to have more control over our money. I busted it all out - returned the pop cans, etc. I was a serious Domestic Diva today. Countless loads of laundry, a nice long walk (in the rain!), baked two loaves of bread (thank you, bread machine), played with the kids, did puzzles with Helena, warmed up those leftovers (okay, not so impressive). Too bad every day isn't so fantabulous.

Does anybody have a treadmill? How much did it cost (personal but necessary question)? What brand/model would you recommend? Once the bad weather comes I'd still like to be able to walk without bad weather preventing me. To me this would be a better way to spend money (rather than a gym membership) because I could do it any time, any day, without packing up the kids, having to "look good," etc. Listening to my Disney podcast, I will walk forever! (It is so stupid that THAT is what motivates me!)

One last thought: Today I ran the water from the tap until it was hot, then washed my hands with my nicely scented anti-bacterial soap, and thought "What a CUSHY, blessed life I live!" It's crazy that we have too much food, nice chairs and couches to sit in, deluxe beds to sleep on, instant contact to our friends and community through excellent communications systems (including the internet), instant access to information, a beautiful place to live, the gospel truths, a much-loved family. It's funny how those little experiences bring gratitude bubbles to my mind.

Whew!

Glad I read that last post again...it's been a bit of a hard day for me, I'm not going to lie. Luckily I got in touch with a long-lost friend who brightened it considerably. Georgia has been my friend since about 1998. She joined the LDS Church and was a great friend of mine. Six years ago she had two beautiful twin boys, and about 1 1/2 years ago she moved away. She now lives in Arizona and is, to my benefit, happy to spend hours on the telephone acting as Psychologist for me. I really miss her. We had a blast together. I don't think I'll ever have so many friends that I can forget about them.

Tomorrow is Labor Day. I'm not exactly sure what this holiday celebrates - the fact that America's working population toils tirelessly to support their families and grow our economy? - but I hereby dedicate it to every woman who has ever endured labor. As in, pregnancy and birth labor. This is what we should REALLY have a holiday for. Mother's Day is really to honor the mothering portion of a woman's life. Labor Day is JUST for the labor, the pain, the screaming, the "holy-crap-am-I-dying" feeling that you ladies out there can relate to. We deserve at least two days for multiplying and replenishing the earth, and I'm not opposed to adding a "Breastfeeding Day" or a "Single-Moms" day. This is, naturally, in addition to our birthdays, when we should be brought flowers and chocolates, and have our little children whisked away to happy places they love while we gorge on unhealthy foods and watch movies like "Beaches" and "Steel Magnolias," "Pillow Talk" and "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood."

Because I have nothing better to post I will list a few things on my iPod I've been listening to recently:

The DIS Unplugged Podcast
Classic BYU Speeches
Ben Folds - Songs For Silverman
Tiny Dancer - Elton John
Science Fiction and the Gospel - Hugh Nibley
Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) - MIKA
Mr. Wendal - Arrested Development (random!)
This Woman's Work - Kate Bush
Dear Someone - Gillian Welch
Stolen - Dashboard Confessional
Take Me Home - Phil Collins
In This Heart - Sinead O'Connor

So, I'm not a music snob, I guess (what self-respecting music snob listens to Phil Collins, for crying out loud) but there you go. You'd probably forgotten (happily) about Arrested Development!

I have a big Walt Disney World Countdown Calendar and guess what? Only 151 more days! Time to start planning! :)

Motherhood

I don't have much to say, so I'll insert a portion of a talk I read by Teresa Santiago, given at a BYU Women's Conference, called "Get Thee Behind Me: Thwarting Latter-day Deceits." Excellent talk, especially this part:

"Satan's Deceit #5: Women's bodies are to be admired for their youth and beauty...Whenever we look in the mirror, we are reminded of what we are not. Satan would have it just that way. He would have us think that because our bodies do not look a certain, supposedly desirable, way, they are not worth having at all. Thus, we enter into a war with our bodies, hating the very tabernacle our Father has given us, despising the flesh. If Satan can get us to fixate on our bodies, either in vanity or self-loathing, then he has caused us to misunderstand completely the role our bodies play in our salvation."

"I was pregnant all one summer. I spent my time bobbing in the deep end of Deseret Towers' pool watching the women go by. I wondered why the women who had contributed the most to our society seemed to feel the least confident. Why did they cover their bodies as if in shame, disrobing only to plunge quickly down, their shoulders barely emerging above the waterline as they stood watching their children swim? Why did the freshman Deseret Towers' residents, young women who knew nothing of what breasts and hips and wombs are meant to do, rule, queens of the roost? In a better world, in a kinder, more saintly world, a mother's body would be kindly regarded, with respect and honor for what she has given, for what she has done. I am learning that a woman who mothers well gives all she has: body parts, internal organs, limbs. Some parts are temporarily donated; others, irreparably altered; most effects are permanent. And, if she lets this mothering sink into the marrow of her bones, if she allows the job of nurturing to wrestle with her spirit, a woman's soul is wrought in the image of God."

After describing the painfully premature labor and death of her third child (born with serious malformations), she says the following:

"Could I have broken my heart to the will of the Lord another way? Would I have come so heavy laden and willingly to the Savior's yoke?...I cannot help but think, as I remember those births, that this human body, also can make us most divine - that the peculiar pains of a woman's flesh teach her exquisitely, intimately. What they teach she cannot know beforehand or even know that she needs to know...Time writes its messages on all of us. Our very bodies have become our book of life, 'an account of our obedience or disobedience written in our bodies.' To what have we been obedient? To the purpose for which we were made: to provide a body and a safe haven for the spirits entrusted to our care. If we mother well, we wear out our lives bringing to pass the lives of others. Of the physical fruits - our wider hips, our sagging breasts, our flatter feet, and rounder buttocks - we need not be so ashamed."

David reminds me often that I will "be saved in my childbearing." After reading this talk, I think it means I'll finally learn - probably after a lifetime - the lesson of complete selflessness, the lesson of total forgiveness, the lesson of charity and unconditional love. Like Sister Santiago said, before I had children I didn't even know I needed to learn these things. Maybe all mothers need to be reminded of the true divinity of this calling from which we will never be released.

Thanks to all of you for being mothers I can emulate, and for giving all you have to your families.

No Regrets

Tonight I heard that a good friend's father passed away. I can't imagine what losing my parents will be like. Actually, I could start to imagine it but it's too painful so I am stopping right now. I feel like there's nothing I can do, except make cookies (which are baking as I type!) and maybe bring over some snack foods for her to put out for her out-of-town guests. The upside is I get to see her son and his family (her son's my age), who live in San Diego and aren't usually able to visit very often. I remain convinced that the way to overcome the fear of death (which is ubiquitous, no matter what you say) is to live a life with no regrets. Could someone tell me how that's done? :)

Also, today Hunter is 7 months old. It's hard to believe it's gone by so fast. I worry about my little guy, though, because although he's been taking Zantac for about two weeks, he threw up an INCREDIBLE amount of, well, stuff today. About 1/2 a cup, which is all his poor tummy can hold, I'm sure. He has a dr. appt. Friday and maybe he won't have to go through too many horrible tests. He's just pure joy, that sweet boy - his smile could melt a thousand hearts. He has his little games and conversations and always, that beautiful grin.

A wicked storm blew through N.M. tonight. Lots of thunder and lightning, rain coming down in sheets, hurricane wind (thank goodness we don't have hurricanes here!). Of course, Helena was terrified. (She comes by it honestly...my great-grandmother used to hide under the covers with a bottle of Scotch during thunderstorms.) But she pretended to be excited, like her Daddy, and tried (bless her heart!) to be brave. It WAS really loud and startling, and the power cut off for a minute. Sometimes I think Helena's intelligence has grown faster than her emotions, and I have to remind myself she's just three, after all. This morning we (myself and the kids) took a bike ride, with Helena riding her industrial-strength tricycle, and we rode a LONG ways - half a mile? three-quarters? - and she didn't complain a bit. The only thing is, I had to go REALLY slow. Like, dead turtle slow. The kids were happy, and so was I.

Oh, and big thrill for me - our garden has some ginormous tomatoes on it, and big fat green peppers that look "grocery store" good. (Not Aldi's - their produce is terrifying.) I can't believe it. Must be that Square Foot Gardening!

"Death is no more than passing from one room to another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see." - Helen Keller

Smoke and Mirrors

Today I had a list of things to do. I got about half of them done. All things considered, that's not so bad, especially as I had Aidan over this afternoon until about 7pm and Dan didn't get home until 8pm. The really urgent stuff is done and the rest of the list will just have to be pushed out until tomorrow.

Dan and I had a budget talk this weekend. Happily, it turns out we can actually live on less than we make if we're responsible. It's funny, but Dave Ramsey's right when he says "Once you do a budget, you'll feel like you're getting a raise."

I wanted to blog tonight about my 10 year class reunion. It was this past Saturday evening at Hobo's Tavern here in Muskegon. I went shopping and purchased some new clothes - ones that I actually like and would wear, nothing contrived - and we packed the kids up and sent them to Ga-ga's. This was Hunter's first time staying at Ga-ga's, and he was a little fussy, sadly. Still, she might take him again. :)

Anyway, I saw some of my classmates - probably about 20 out of the 48 people I graduated with - and heard about what most of the rest were up to. I caught up with a few of the ones I was closest to, and Dan was able to talk with his friend Matt, who he used to work with and who I (obviously) graduated with. We shared a few memories as a group. All in all, it was a fun evening.

I was really surprised by two things: First, I was really comfortable. I didn't feel unattractive or pudgy, didn't "try too hard" to make conversation, I was outgoing and talked to almost everyone (I was like that in H.S. too), and didn't feel uncomfortable at all. I mention that because in H.S. I was always questioning myself, until about my senior year when I finally said "to heck with it" and was just the friendliest, happiest person and didn't care what others thought of me. I was only concerned with doing what I should be and becoming what I should be. (I've almost reverted back to the self-conscious me, really).

Second, and this was absolutely astonishing, I was SHOCKED by how many people were SMOKING! I expected the drinking, you know, as we were at a bar and it was the #1 activity in H.S. But geez, I had no idea so many people were smokers. This included parents, professionals, VERY intelligent people with successful careers and great education, blah blah blah. But they weren't smart enough to realize that smoking is one of the worst things you can do to your body. My friend Jen and I speculated that maybe they were just social smokers - you know, people who only smoke when they go out to bars and drink. I don't know how common that is (it doesn't come up in my LDS circles.) So, I was disgusted at that. Moreover, it started to make me nauseous and I had to wash my hair 4 separate times to get the stank out. My clothes had to be washed twice with every kind of laundry additive I had available. It very much changed my opinion of everybody, not in a judgemental way, just in an amazed "are you kidding?" way.

One other thing I wanted to post was the Big News (for the N.M. ward people, anyway): Sharon Wilson and Jason Gifford are engaged! I'm so happy for them I could burst. I used to BABYSIT Sharon, for crying out loud! And I've been pulling for Jason ever since he joined the church. They both strike me as determined, focused people, but it's so SWEET to see how much they love each other. Why did Jason decide to ask her yesterday? Because when he went to the temple he felt inspired that THIS was the girl, THIS was the time. Dan and I both just want the best for those two. They deserve it. It kind of reminds me of when Dan and I were engaged. Good times, good times. (I did suggest that he "re-do" his proposal, maybe around our 10th anniversary, b/c it ended up being a little...different than he planned. Also, a surprise 2nd honeymoon to WDW wouldn't be out of order, I'm sure.)

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney

Families Are Forever

As I've said before, this blog primarily acts as a surrogate journal for me, so I apologize in advance for the writings contained within if they sometimes seem pointless, confusing, or irrelevant. Reading my friends' blogs has inspired me to write about one of my favorite topics: Family.

The extended family that I am most familiar with is my mother's side. My dad's family lived mostly in Utah, Idaho, and Washington, and my mother's family lived in Michigan, Chicago, and one branch in Utah, so I was much closer to them. My mom's brother, Doug, married after his mission and he and his wife moved to UT to raise their family. Doug's always been one of my favorite uncles, and he's tried to visit here as much as possible on a somewhat limited income. His past few visits have been sad ones, associated with funerals of his mother and brother, but always welcome. It was especially fun to have he and Tricia visit with the kids - my "Utah cousins." Sometimes, just one of the cousins would come out for a summer when I was a kid and stay with Grandma for a month or two. Well, since Grandma's not here anymore, Stacie, my youngest Utah cousin (who's about 5 years younger than me) came out to visit for this past week and stayed with Aunt Christina.

Stace and I have always been really good friends. She is funny, easygoing, open, and is generous enough to say that any activity we can think of for her is fantastic. While she was here we went to the beach a couple of times (with the aunts, kids, etc.) and had some whole-family cook-outs. But the BEST visits we had were our VERY late-night walks. I drove over to Christina's after the kids were in bed, and we walked the neighborhood till 1 or 2 in the morning. (Thank goodness N.M. is safe.) We shared all the "family secrets" from both sides, talked about marriage and kids (she's still single), jobs, goals, church, gospel topics, and agreed that Lake Michigan is the best place to be on earth.

There's something about family, isn't there? Something that makes friendships that are so deep and lasting, even between two people (like Stace and I) who really don't see each other much, or communicate regularly. I wish I could know all of my family, even the extra-extended parts, more often. After all, we all only have a limited amount of time on this earth and I have so many cousins, if I don't get started now, I'll lose the opportunity (at least for now).

"I don't care how poor a man is, if he's got family, he's rich."

My beautiful children

Helena: She's starting to grow up. In particular, she's starting to have a life of her own, independent of me. For example, she spends every Friday night at Ga-ga's, and they do all kinds of things together. Also, tonight she and Dan are camping out in a tent in our backyard. She's so excited I'll be surprised if she ever sleeps! (He's such a wonderful dad, by the way. My cousin Stacie's here visiting and she told me he was the sweetest dad she'd ever seen.) She has an imagination, and an imaginary world, and I'm afraid of that time in the not-too-distant future when I'll be a tangential part of her existence and her friends will be everything. But she's absolutely the best: smart, funny, beautiful, happy, and becoming easier to "reason" with every day. I love her so much.

Hunter: He's so good-natured, but lately has become more fussy, either because he's teething or due to his newly-diagnosed acid reflux. I'm a bit scared of that. I took him to the doctor because he spits up every single time he eats, and sometimes it's a huge amount. It doesn't seem to hurt him but he'd lost 10 ounces since his last visit 10 days before. That isn't right. Tomorrow I think I'll ask Dan to give him a blessing. I know this is pretty common and everything but I still worry about him. He has the funniest way of playing games. My favorite is the one where he pulls my face in and puts my nose squarely in his mouth, then he oohs and ahhs around it. That baby melts my heart, I'll tell you what. I love him so much.

I was thinking about the Duggar family today, the one with 16 kids? And I thought, "Man, doesn't that overwhelm the mom completely? And what does she feel when a new baby comes along?" I realized that although her life might be chaotic she ALWAYS has more love in her heart for more kids. In the "baby afterglow" days, shortly after both Helena and Hunter's births, I wished I could have 10 more. My sanity wouldn't support it very well but I would have plenty of love for them.

Other news: Our Square Foot Garden has about 30 tomatoes growing in it (what will I do with them? Do I have to learn how to can?); Dan's almost done with the Well of Doom; I am happier every day that we get closer to our Disney World trip; I love Lake Michigan; I'm so glad that Jason Gifford is home and that he and Sharon came over to visit the other day; "The Johnstown Flood" by David McCullough is an excellent book.

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer and wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

A Fabulous Sunday

We made reservations today for our February 2008 trip. What words are there to describe how happy I am? Why even try? Imagine your happiest past memory...it's that feeling. And I'm not even there yet.

Today was a GOOD day at church (I posted not too long ago about one of those not-so-good Sundays). My heart was full to bursting, not because I wasn't busy or didn't have a million things to do. I think I just decided it would be a good day, and the Lord made up the difference. We didn't have many people there today but that most important of all, the Spirit, was there and that was enough.

I had some unexpected and very lovely gifts for Hunter (one from my great-aunt Lucille, the other from my third cousin once removed, Joan, in England) that I have yet to write thank-you notes for. I plan on writing letters, actually, and asking questions and getting some genealogical information from them while simultaneously expressing my gratitude for some snazzy clothes for H.D.L.

I received a couple of insights (inspirations?) at church today. First, I realized that living gospel principles makes life easier in a simple, but miraculous way. Two examples:

1. Paying tithing. Even if your income doesn't change, once you start paying tithing, your budget magically works and there's enough to go around. Much different from when you don't pay tithing and you never seem to be able to meet your needs.
2. Prayer, scripture study, feeling the Lord's love daily: I didn't have a simple name for this. But it's that gospel living that, when done every day, seems to make your time stretch to allow you to fulfill all of your duties, makes you more cheery, seems to help your kids be better-behaved and more loveable, inspires you to be more of service (and gives you the time to do it!). Again, much different from when we ignore that part of our lives and then proceed to stumble through our days, busy but never getting anything done and feeling more and more selfish with ourselves and our time.
3. An investigator visiting our ward today (for the second time) said that she learned that love isn't worth much until you give it away. Love IS a verb.

Last week? Or the week before? I went to dinner with a couple of friends. Food was fantastic, I recommend the Hearthstone to all of my Muskegon County friends. Anyway, our server received a nice, healthy tip from yours truly because he proclaimed The Smiths to be the Best Band to Come Out of the Eighties. Their music was beautiful; I just wish it was a little more uplifting. It tends to be a bit on the depressing side. "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" is just lovely.

"As Dumbledore explains, the real master of Death accepts that he must die, and that there are much worse things in the land of the living." - J.K. Rowling

One of those Oprah Moments

I had an Ah-Ha! moment today. I realized...drumroll...that I am an Emotional Eater. But I also don't believe in Labels. I mean, aren't emotions tied into everyone's eating? Some people eat more when they're upset or stressed, some people stop eating...I wish I were category 2, but hey. I read an interesting statistic (care of my new Chiropractor): The state ranked number 1 for deaths from cardiovascular disease is Washington, D.C. (not strictly a state). The state ranked lowest in that same category? Hawaii. Don't tell me heart disease doesn't come from stress. Hawaiians eat roasted pigs and spam and stuff, right, so it isn't all because of a poi-based diet.

The last couple of weeks have been outrageously, uncomfortably busy for me. The hardest part about them was the recent move of a good friend. She and her family are moving because of a great job opportunity for her husband, and I know they'll be really happy, but it's still saddening to me. I'm also feeling a little overwhelmed with my new church calling, which requires a lot of travel and thus lots of time away from my family. My grandparents served in multiple callings in the old Great Lakes Mission and Lansing Stake, and they did a lot more driving than I ever will! I'm not really complaining - but it feels like some days Dan and I are just "tag-teaming" our kids and not spending time as a family together.

Today it is, let us say, 300 degrees outside. I am afraid to leave the house lest I turn into a Beth Puddle. Once again I sing the praises of whatever unsung hero invented air conditioning. I would rate it above television, chocolate-covered pretzels, and the artificial heart in terms of everyday usefulness. (That list would change dramatically if I lived in Washington, D.C.).

Here's a little zinger for you to consider (you've heard it before): We are not human beings have spiritual experiences, we are spiritual beings having human experiences.

Hopelessly Optimistic

Have you ever noticed that every theme song from a 1980's TV show is hopelessly optimistic? Here are a few:

"As long as we've got each other we've got the world spinning right in our hands"
"Every time I turn around I see the girl that turns my world around"
"Theme music playing from Hill Street Blues...it's instrumental but it still ends in a Major key!"

What a happy decade. I'm thrilled to have grown up in it.

Sometimes I feel like everyone I know has a fantastic life. Even people on radio shows that I don't know have fantastic lives. I start thinking "What do you do to get that?" and begin the Comparison/Criticism cycle. After a few futile minutes I realize that I am blessed too, as much or more than most people I know, and definitely more than most people I don't (like, 96% of the world). It all depends on focus. I could complain that I have a backside on which you could easily project movies; that my husband just spent two weekends on a roof and is ready to jump right in to Weekend Three: Well-Digging; that my kids are so energetic they run circles around me; that my calling necessitates driving all over the stake with a wee baby; or that we had to pay a back tax bill and thus deplete our emergency fund.

OR, I could be grateful that: I'm not suffering for want of food; I have a spouse who is so hard-working and unselfish with is time (and back); that my kids are so energetic, imaginative, healthy, and happy; that I have a calling where I can see long-lost friends in the stake; and that we had plenty in our emergency fund to pay said back tax bill.

Beyond that, I have friends and family and the gospel. Shoot, what more do you want?

"You want to be where you can see your troubles are all the same - You wanna go where everybody knows your name."

Genealogy, I Am Doing It!

Genealogy is the BIGGEST thrill. Most people don't really get that feeling until they're, let us say, 73. I started getting the Family History bug around 13, about 60 years too early. The only good part about starting young is that you can get much more information because your relatives haven't all died yet! Even though I end up spending much more time on it than I really have, I feel like it's an eternal work - a work that REALLY matters, unlike so much of what we do in this life.

Right now I've decided to start working on descendancy instead of ascendancy (that is, descendants instead of ancestors.) My grandparents and their generation have done most of my ascendancy work. At least, as much as can be done without lots of money, professional genealogists, and world travel. Descendancy work is much harder, in my opinion, because their birth and death records are protected by privacy laws, while your ancestors' vital records are now public. It's very rewarding, though, to find a cousin and communicate about your common family. I've met a few cousins who are shirt-tail relatives, to say the least, but they are still FAMILY. You have an instant connection - the same feeling I have when I meet someone who is a member of the church. Even if it's my first time meeting them there's immediately a foundation to build on. The creepy thing is when they start sending pictures, and you see yourself, or your parents, or your grandparents, in that person's features.

I'm also lucky to have an outrageously enormous family. Not my immediate family - just one sister - but my parents both had lots of siblings, whose parents had lots of siblings, and everybody keeps having kids. Then you can start to factor in step-relations, or in-laws, or in-laws of in-laws...gets pretty messy.

Most of my ancestors hail from Scandanavia. That's wonderful, of course, but I get the sinking feeling that learning to speak Swedish may be in my future. Worse things could happen.

And speaking of my enormous family...our Sweet Baby Hunter Bunter is calling to me. It's not a cooing, "come talk to me, Mom" cry, it's a "get me OUT this crib before I blow up!" type of cry. Better go.

A Big Post about Disney World

Now, you've all had your fair warning! But after a sort of lengthy discussion about Walt Disney World with some friends today, I decided to post my feelings, thoughts, comments about WDW for their benefit. I won't be offended if you don't read this. It's still good for me. Be prepared to think I'm a total psycho by the end of this post. (Or MORE of a total psycho.)

The question that was posed to me was: "Why do you love Disney World so much?" This was actually a really difficult question. It shouldn't be - goodness knows, I think about WDW enough - but the real REASON behind why I love it so much is something I haven't much considered. I just took it for granted that I do. It's hard to describe exactly why, so instead I'll list some things I love ABOUT WDW and then maybe it will help me figure out why. (It's good for me to do this. I should probably examine why I have the passions and interests I do, just for an existential exercise. )

1. It has a fantastic "feeling" about it. It's hard to describe this part. It's an atmosphere, sometimes described as magical, that's created to make you feel happy. I know it isn't a "real" place; that is, the whole thing has been made to specifications, but the feeling you get is definitely real, and very positive.

2. People are on their best behavior. Need help with a bag or stroller? Ask anyone. Are you holding a sleeping toddler? Here, take my seat instead. Did you want our Fastpasses to Test Track? We can't use them but don't want them to go to waste. Are you crabby because you're hot, but you still want to go on this ride, but only the second half, because your daughter will get scared on the first half? Here, I'm a High-Ranking Cast Member. I'll get you into the second half only. Did your waitress at Akershus just spill drinks all over your lap? When you get back to your room we'll have flowers on the table and we'll credit $50 to your room to pay for your ruined clothing.

3. Everyone talks to everyone else. I'm referring to the ease of conversation here. We once met a nice older man, visiting the Disney Studios by himself, who had fought in WWII and was on the beach at Normandy on D-Day. It's so easy to strike up conversations with people you've never met.

4. It's safe. My sister and I were all over the World (buses, monorails, rides) at 12 and 15 years of age without any problems. If your kids do get lost, the Cast Members have an EXTENSIVE system to return them to you within a few minutes.

5. The ability to escape from your "real" world. Your whole life is "real." You deal with "real" all the time. At WDW you just don't have to. It's clean, beautiful, happy...add your positive adjectives here.

6. WDW works very hard to create atmosphere and ambience throughout the whole enormous property. For example: If you enter the Magic Kingdom at the park's opening and listen to the music playing, you'll notice that it's upbeat, exciting, happy. By the end of the day, when you're tired and ready to relax, you'll hear softer, smoother, slower music that matches your mood. The closer you look, the more you see the physical details, like the extensive (and outrageously varied) landscaping, or the small details in a ride that give it depth. The garbage cans are even matched to the decor of the park or land they're in - Adventureland's trash cans resemble bamboo, Epcot's Future World cans are futuristic (one of them talks to you!).

7. The rides are fun. I didn't fall in love with WDW because of rides but they are good. They DO NOT compare, at all, to rides at any other amusement park. In fact, WDW is NOT an amusement park. Michigan's Adventure, Cedar Point, etc., are all about thrill rides, really, while WDW's rides are first about story. It's a Small World isn't much in terms of a ride (you sit in a slow moving boat on a track) but the displays around you are beautiful and detailed. However, they do have thrill rides that pack a punch. The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror is a case in point. It's not just a free fall; it's a free fall, then another, then another. Or the Rock 'n Roller Coaster with Aerosmith - count me in for ANY ride featuring Aerosmith music.

8. It's beautiful. Everywhere. There is NO ugliness in the whole place. (That guests can see, anyway.)

9. There is so much to do. This might be a problem if you've never been before and want to do everything in one visit, but since I've been several times now, I don't feel the pressure to do it all. We take a break in the afternoon to nap, read, swim by the pool, and then go back to the parks in the evening. There are also things like waterskiing, parasailing, golfing, tennis, fishing, etc. to try that I've never had time for yet. Maybe someday.

I'm not sure if I'm in love with WDW because it's become a hobby, or if it's because I have so many great memories from there, or because I need psychotherapy. But I get thrills there when...

I walk onto Main Street in the Magic Kingdom. My chest feels like it will burst.

I see Helena's reaction to It's a Small World.

I am there with my family and we're having fun without telephones, computers, or interruptions - just us and families like us.


I do know that I am only this passionate about a few things: My family, the gospel, WDW, maybe one or two others. Unfortunately, this is an expensive passion. With good planning I've never NOT enjoyed a trip to WDW, even when it was hot and humid, or had to stand in lines. Even though there are always lots of people at WDW, I have experienced a lot of quiet and peaceful times (during the least busy times of year).

Holly, it's probably not the typical vacation that your family has been on. (Dan empathized with Nathan's ideas about just buying a camper instead!) But it also isn't ANYTHING like any amusement park you've been to before. (This is not a week at Deer Park Funland.) Your two older kids will remember most of it, and your youngest will remember more than you think. If you decide to go and you plan it well, I think I can promise you'll have a great time. You can probably go at any time - in 3 years, in 5 years, next year - and there will be good experiences no matter what. I'm not a great fan of Florida itself, but there's nothing like driving from MI to FL in the winter...it's like slowly entering paradise. It gets warmer and greener with each passing state, and all of a sudden there are orange groves and Spanish moss everywhere you look. And then at the end of your journey through the Midwest, to the Appalachians, to the honest-to-goodness South, you're at the Happiest Place on Earth!

Sorry I couldn't be a touch more pithy in my answer to Why I Love Disney World!

Cookie Thoughts

Tonight I was making cookies because...well...fine, I have no reason. (They are so good, though. I'm noticing that WAY too much of my eating happens after dark! Anyway...) But while I was making them I had a thought: Even though the dough could have been mixed a little better before I started putting dollops of dough on the cookie sheet, every cookie STILL had a chocolate chip in it. In fact, they all had a least a few. That's just like us, isn't it? Particularly during our teenage years, we start to think that we don't have any defining qualities, or unique characteristics, or worthy traits. The truth is, we ALL have chocolate chips inside of us.

It's 10:30pm. What did you expect?

On Sunday at church, I was walking down the hall with Helena, on our way to meet Dan and Hunter, and she noticed a picture of Jesus on the wall and said, "Mom, he's what we pray about!" Indeed.

Here's another Deep Thought for you: When we were painting Helena's room, we decided to make it a two-tone purple rather than just one deeper shade. We decided to just take the darker shade and mix it with some white paint until it was exactly the right (slightly lighter) shade that would be complementary. While this was going on, Dan said (and this is probably obvious, but since he's an art major and I am kind of art-phobic, it was news to me): "No matter how small the amount of color we add to this white paint, once we add it, we can never make it white again. It will always have a slight tint." Get ready for Analogy Time now: Isn't that just like our lives? Once we sin, WE can never make our lives perfectly white again. No amount of apologizing or good works or even childbearing can make up for the sins we commit. That's why it's such an incredible miracle that the Savior CAN and DOES and HAS made up for all of our sins, shortcomings, and mistakes. Isn't that exciting?

Some good books I've read lately:

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver
My Life in France by Julia Child with Alex Purd'homme


Good books I'm going to read:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling. Hallelujah!!! (Except when I finish it I'll likely be crying over it, and additionally depressed that there's no more to look forward to.)

And thanks for all the birthday wishes yesterday! I had a pretty good day, and a fun family birthday party that evening featuring cake decorated by Helena. (It was very symmetrical: princess crowns and wands all lined up, candles standing straight as soldiers.)

Ravages of Aging

Today Caity and I each brought our two kids along with my other nephew, Aidan, to my sister's nursing home (she's the activities director) to participate in a children's parade. The residents really seemed to enjoy having little kids and babies to talk to and coo at, and the kids were happy to get free balloons and eat cookies.

But I couldn't help but be sad. My sister's worked with the elderly since her graduation from college almost 10 years ago, and she loves her job, loves working with people who have Alzheimer's and dementia, loves taking care of people that the rest of society would rather forget. Hey, she's not perfect, but work like this is what secures your place in heaven. The sadness came from the illness, the deformity, the cloudy minds of the once-vibrant people around me. None of us can escape getting older. We can hope that modern medicine will save us from the symptoms, or hope that we die quickly without suffering from chronic illness. But ultimately aging occurs, and I'm grateful that there are people like Andrea who will really love me even when I'm almost not "me" anymore.

Speaking of aging - I'm 28 years old today. We had a party at my aunt's house and I was able to read in my grandma's journal about the day I was born. My mom soldiered through, and almost died giving birth to me, and I was small at 5lbs and 13oz (I grew!) - Grandma was afraid to hold me for fear I might break. She said Andrea seemed to know what was going on and was pleased. (Her feelings about that varied over the years, I'm sure!). I'm glad to be here now, with so much of my family near.

And even more unbelievable - in 10 more years, I'll be 38. Wow.

Running Fool - or Foolish Runner?

Probably both.

But I did Day 2 of my running plan today. I almost laughed out loud, but I kept going. Tonight I decided to try and walk faster during the walking intervals but not push it too much with the running. It went okay, and I'm glad I did it. Sorry if I'm making too big a deal of this, but to me it IS a big deal. I've never done any running, although I have done some regular exercise in the past. (I ate some chocolate covered pretzels when I got home, though, thereby nullifying the whole deal. Nice.)

Speaking of exercise, I'm watching "Spanglish" - that Adam Sandler movie with Tea Leoni in it. She regularly practices yoga in real life, and she whipped out some fabulous yoga move in the movie and I was like - "WHOA!" She was holding herself up with, let us say, two fingers while holding her legs parallel to the floor. I like yoga because it's relaxing, but I can not even imagine being able to do that.

Last night we went to a family get-together with our cousins (Dan's cousin Ben and his wife Lisa just had a baby). It was so nice - really pleasant weather, great company, loving family - and their daughter is absolutely beautiful. When you see a tiny little baby like that you almost forget that babies start out that small. Hunter seems gigantic in proportion. I guess he is kind of big for his age, but still...this is not always a blessing, because I go through two sizes a season with these kiddos.

My stepdad, David, always reminds me (in jest) that the Bible says that women are saved in their childbearing. (And WHERE is that reference???) I'd love to know - how many kids must one have to cover one's sins? And, is one Helena worth 3 or 4 kids? If they don't sleep at night, do you get extra points? And what if you do something totally insensitive during their teen years that they never forget? All I know is, I love children...my own most of all. There were so many kids running around last night, it just made me so thrilled, in a deep-hearted kind of way.

One more movie thought: "Cinderella III" sounds like a nightmare, right? Like, you would never watch this movie out of your own free will and choice. Well, my mom (who has a Disney movie club membership) purchased the aforementioned movie, and incredibly, I watched it with Helena. Hey - it wasn't that bad. Once I got past my initial horror of sequels for their own sake, I didn't hate it. There were a few funny moments, some not too horrible music.

To my heroes, Dan and Joel, the Masters of the Roof: You did an incredible work today. Let it rain, let it pour, let the wind blow, let the sun beat down, and you will STILL finish that thing! I'm constantly amazed at the quantity and quality of work you two do together. Thank you for working so hard this weekend.

Another Big Idea

Every so often, I get a Big Idea. Occasionally they're doable - usually they become pleasant, somewhat outrageous memories. Today my Big Idea is that I am going to start running. I've never run before, because I have congenitally gimpy feet - Symptomatic Tarsal Nevicular, for those of you taking notes - which basically means my ankles are super-pronated and I was born with one extra bone in each of my feet. After my senior year of high school I had the left one removed. It didn't help much. Plus, and this is no small issue (literally), there's the unhappy vision of what I must look like running. Oh, don't try to picture it. Think of something else. And I hate the feeling that I can't breathe, oh, I'm dying, ouch, more sweat, how do people do this???

So, despite the obvious challenges, I am going to try. If people hike Mount Everest blind, or with no legs, surely I can run a little bit.

I found a plan online that sounds easy in practice called the Couch-to-5K Running Plan. It involves increasingly difficult intervals of walking and running that ultimately ends up in running for about 25 minutes. I tried it for the first time last night. (As close to dark as possible, naturally!). At first it wasn't so bad - I was running at a not-embarrassing pace and didn't have side stitches or unbearable knee pain. As I went on, though, it was harder. By the last running interval my feet barely left the pavement. It was embarrassingly slow. But my goal wasn't to whip around like an Olympic sprinter; I just wanted to actually COMPLETE the program for the day. And I did. Yep, my knees had a hard time dragging me upstairs to bed, and my back sort of hurt, but I can walk and function. Hooray! I do the same rotation tomorrow.

And if I ever DO become a "runner" (take that, Mr. Orthopedic Surgeon!), I will run the Walt Disney World Half Marathon. NOT the regular one, because let's face it, 26+ miles?

On a related note: I have discovered (to my chagrin) chocolate-covered pretzels. How did these remain hidden from me for so long? They are delicious, and less than 30% fat. Ed Wasiura says manna tasted like my grandmother's Parker House rolls. I say it tasted exactly like chocolate-covered pretzels. This point of doctrine is open for speculation.

More pictures

A few more, just for fun!

Love that Helena with wind in her hair! She and Ga-ga are like two peas in a pod. 57 years are no separation for those two!

Summer Fun

I don't really have much to say, but I do have some pictures to speak for me. Yesterday evening, while I was "out with the girls" (and Hunter), Helena and Dan went fishing with my Mom and David. Helena had a BLAST. In a way I wish I could have seen it...Thank goodness for cameras. She actually caught two fish! There are also a couple of humorous Hunter photos - one where he and Bennie were sharing the stroller, another where he was attempting to eat his toes. I added in a 4th of July picture...Helena spent the almost the entire time just running around in Ga-ga's big backyard.

Also, today we went to the Nelson Family Reunion at my cousin (well, first cousin twice removed, actually) Marilyn's home. Too bad we didn't get any pictures. She has a large piece of property with plenty of room to run around, lots of chairs and picnic tables, a fire pit and swimming pool. Even though our attendance seems to drop every year, we had a nice time. We hardly see each other outside of this reunion, but today the older members of the family shared some stories with me that I'd never heard before. I'm interested in all things genealogical, so that was neat for me. One funny story: I have an older relative (some of you may know her, if you're in my ward - she's our bishop's mom) named Doris who is, what, 70? 75? years old. She wears a wig, and tries hard to look "young," but after a certain point that's pretty hard. Anyway, today she was describing the TWO men who are currently after her - one who's local, the other from Sweden. We really had her going. Apparently she was engaged, long ago (in her younger days), but decided to ditch him and move to California, where all the handsome, available, exciting young me were. She said she was one of the first people she ever knew to "take matters into her own hands" and "follow her heart." So funny, but kind of sweet. Of all the things in our lives that we'll all look back on, and hope we did our best for, FAMILY will be the most significant item on our lists.