What reason do YOU need?

Lots of existential thinking going on here...I recently watched "What the Bleep Do We Know," followed by a run on the library for all books metaphysical. Don't worry, I haven't lost my more traditional faith. Just trying to know it all, as usual!

Speaking of existential things...Helena and I stopped at the cemetery where my grandmother is buried today (it's very near one of Helena's favorite playgrounds). I told her about how Grandma Gloria was my ga-ga, just like Helena has a Ga-Ga (my mom, her grandma) who loves her, etc. She knelt down and pointed at the headstone and said "ga-ga?" Then she started walking all over the cemetery searching for dandelions, which she promptly picked and then put in a small pile right on my grandma's grave. It was kind of touching, and slightly sacred, and I wished more than anything that I could be with Grandma and Helena at the same time. Alas, it will be many years and in another lifetime before that happens.

Spring is out in full force here and we're enjoying it from the vantage point of our new home. We call it our "grown-up" home, because it's the sort of place we could raise our family in and stay forever. It's on a nice quiet street, has a nice-sized backyard complete with jungle gym, 4 bedrooms and a breakfast nook. What more could you want? It naturally needs some paint and personality but I'm grateful to say I have that in abundance, although whether or not it translates into decorating or not remains to be seen.

Tonight we're going out to dinner with my family for Andrea's birthday. She's 30, if you can believe it, but I restrained myself in card purchases. Nothing too mean, see.

More than that I haven't much to tell. I feel rather happy today!

"He can see no reasons 'cause there are no reasons..."

Snowy Spring?

The forecast calls for snow for the next 5 days. What's that about? Aren't we supposed to be welcoming the bright new spring season? The good thing is, there's been enough excitement around here that I scarce have time to notice the weather. A week ago Sunday we sold our house, after just three weeks on the market and after one open house. We're selling to a newly single man who seems to be a really nice guy who should fit well in the neighborhood. So on Mar. 29 we'll close first on the sale of this house, then on the purchase of our new house 6 blocks west of here. It's about three times as big, with a little bigger yard and everything. Thrill of thrills, we'll have a dining room! And I'll be able to wash dishes without waking Helena up. Amazing.

Then, just to add to the fun, two of my sisters-in-law had their babies this weekend! Bethany had her son on Sunday afternoon, and then Caity had her son early Monday morning. I was so honored - Caity and Joel let me stay so I could take pictures. What a wonderful experience. At this point, I don't think either Bethany and Matt or Caity and Joel have decided on names for their sons, so don't go out and try to adjust your PDF files yet. Helena is going to have a lot of boy cousins, but I'm confident that she can hold her own...she has enough personality, that's for sure! It was cute to see how she loved her new cousin - "Babeee" - she tried to hold him, gave him kisses. But he's a little too small for her to hold - 5 lbs 11 oz. I believe Bethany and Matt's son was in the 8 lb department. It'll be exciting to see them, maybe at the baby's blessing.

So in a week we'll be in a new house. That is really overwhelming. But I'm grateful because everything worked out perfectly. It was really Providential. Then beyond that, the babies were born healthy and their moms are okay, too. Now my sister Andrea just has to have her baby and we can take a little break, at least until June when Camella's comes.

Meditations on Materialism

"...Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth." Luke 12:15

Why would I start off an entry like that? Simply because I find myself always comparing, and sometimes coveting. Instead of taking that attitude I think I'd be better off to consider my lucky and blessed situation in life and be grateful. There are some times in my life when I've been overcome by that sense of thankfulness and humility, and it wasn't when we bought a new couch, or our van...although, I admit I did get that feeling at Walt Disney World. Hey, I've never claimed to be completely evolved, after all. It happened when Helena was born, when my grandmother died, when I have been at the temple or studying for my New Testament exam. I happens in nature and when I'm with family. And how true is that scripture! (I am about to refer to my grandmother again, because she is a wonderful woman but also because she's one of the few people to whom I was really close before their death.) When Grandma died, no one considered her home or her bank account. They considered HER. Her life, her service, her faithfulness, and spirit. So WHY do we waste time on developing anything else? As Hugh Nibley says, God has provided us with all that we need to live - room and board. Why spend our life working to get better room and board? Why not get going on the REAL work of life?

Partially this is all brought on by a mild case of S.A.D., partly just a realization that I'm not doing as well as I could be, and I'm causing myself a whole lot of grief comparing myself against others.

In brighter news: My sister-in-law Karalee is pregnant! We're really excited for her and Jacob and hope all is well with them. We're also preparing for the advent of several other babies in the family and we can't wait.

A few things that I am specifically grateful for tonight:

Power, so that we have heat in our home (in spite of a nasty ice/snow/wind storm)
Eyesight, to read and write this blog
Helena, who loves me unconditionally
Dan, who loves me unconditionally and even when I'm this side of the mental institution
Books, to inspire and sometimes escape
Prilosec, to save my esophagus from sure destruction
Our local library, for providing everything I could ever want for free (well, except the fines)
For our neighbors, who give us dinner and make us laugh
For the Savior, for being constantly misunderstood and criticized and taking it in stride

And for all of you, for reading this drivel.

Cheers!

Brief Blog

Just a quick one today...

Tonight I accompanied two girls from our ward (well, YW) - Jen and Alysia Wilson - for a song they're performing on Sunday at New Beginnings. And can I just say...I never knew they had such good voices! If my daughter has a voice that good (and I will pray she does) I would get that girl in voice lessons TODAY! I'm going to suggest it. The thing is, they have such a lovely vocal quality, and that's something that I think you have to be born with. Yeah, everyone can IMPROVE theirs, but if you sound like a horse you'll never sound like an angel. The song they sang was really beautiful too, with a creative accompaniment - none of that Janice Kapp Perry three-chord business.

ANYWAY! Dan and I had kind of a nutty Valentine's Day. Good thing we celebrated it Friday, or I would have been seriously disappointed. Both of us were busy - he at work, me at home, and the nursing home, and with an exam. But the RELIEF at having completed that class is wonderful. I think I'll try myself to a nice, warm, BYU sweatshirt by way of congratulations.

In Helena news, she is now able to sing "Twinkle" without words, and slightly out of tune - but she's got the rhythm down! I wonder if she'll be musical? Could she even HELP it around here? My parents didn't force music too much but I always loved it. As a kid - maybe 7,8 years old - I thought I could sing just like Judy Garland. Yep. And, I hummed along with the vacuum cleaner. Try it sometime - try to match the pitch of the vacuum exactly. Just wait till the vibration in your throat is the same as the vibration of the vacuum. I wonder if I wasn't just slightly mental, huh?

"Put all of the blame on VCRs."

Enriched by Enrichment?

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed today...I have a new calling as the 2nd counselor in R.S., and while I'm happy and excited and enthusiastic, I haven't had any training or instruction and feel as though I'm on a crash course into this deal. Today our new Enrichment leader was called and sustained, and she asked me what her responsibilities are, and I told her I really had no idea. Nice, huh? However, I do have a handbook and a brain and, just possibly, between the two of us we can figure it out. I am relieved to have the help b/c the new HFPE guidelines actually mean much more organization on the part of the Enrichment "staff."

Ovewhelmedness also stems from trying to wrap up a BYU class (exam on Tuesday), my other calling as choir director, and our recent (very recent) decision to sell our house and try to buy another one nearby. It's heartbreaking, really, because we have some really happy (and also a few sad) memories in our house, and it's a place I love - my House of Dreams. But realisitically we can't live here in Xanadu forever. If we ever do have more kids (and let me just say I'm starting to wonder if that will ever happen!) we will need more space, and we could certainly use it now! The house we're looking to buy is old and classy, in a quiet neighborhood within walking distance of, well, everywhere in town (North Muskegon is small, man) and is almost three times as big as our house now. It will take us a while to furnish the thing if we end up buying it. I am pretty resistant to change, even good change as it turns out, and it will be stressful. Life, I'm learning, just is stressful. But instead of sitting around "being stressed" it's good to get moving and reduce that stress - study for the exam, get the choir business organized, and clean the house and start packing.

Unfortunately, it's after 11pm and I'm exhausted. Too many late nights and no naps to compensate. I have so many "unknowns" running through my head, it would be nice to sleep and dream about, say, Walt Disney World and bougainvillea-scented breezes. Ahhh.

"In my little town, we grew up believing God keeps His eye on us all."

What a big girl!

Yesterday we put up Helena's toddler bed. We figured since she was climbing out of her crib a million times a night (and getting all bruised up in the process) we'd just eliminate a couple of feet of trouble. She loves it! It's a big deal for her. Then, tonight she's spending her first night away from us at Ga-Ga's (that's Grandma to the English-speaking world.) I'm sure it's going well b/c Mom hasn't called me. Or it's going horribly but she's just dealing with it.

We went to dinner tonight for a Valentine's Day celebration, then to the mall to check out the clearance sales on coats. Dan and I both bought a new coat for $30 each! What a bargain. We felt like newlyweds.

I did some Tae Bo on Wednesday...I know, try not to make a mental picture. It's too grotesque. Anyway, it worked muscles I didn't even know I possessed. They're still sore in spots, but hey - I'll do it again tomorrow. Just thought I'd give myself a little break before I punish the heck out of my poor, unhealthy body. We can only work on it, right?

Hmm...as I have nothing more to say, I'll stop here. After an extraordinarily mild winter we finally have more snow than I really want. I'm excited for spring!

"We've only just begin to live!"

Whoa.

That word best describes how I feel right now. By the way, kudos to the Styx for an excellent career.

What a crazy 2006 we've had so far! Last week we had two children, instead of one (my niece Emma stayed with us) and it was much better, actually, than I thought it would be (a negative approach can be good sometimes - makes for good surprises). There was only one afternoon that was crazy. The rest of the time I found that it was helpful to have both of them there, because it forced me to be more organized and creative about their care. Not that I neglect Helena usually, just that it made me be more prepared and ready to get them playing and busy. All in all, it was a good experience, and it sounds like Joel and Caity had a nice vacation together.

My next challenge (always something new!) is that I was called to be the Enrichment counselor in Relief Society. No criticism to our bishop, but maybe this was a call involving desperation more than inspiration. I mean, I don't craft. I think that's a basic prerequisite for the 2nd counselor. Oh well - they'll take a warm, reliable body, anyway. I get to continue being the Ward Choir Director too, but I'm done with Activity Days now (it was kind of touching - when they announced my release, I noticed one of my little girls crying. Awww.)

In addition to that, I'm trying to help my friend change the person appointed as his trustee (long story), throw two baby showers, get a temple trip together for this weekend, and organize these new Enrichment activities, while cleaning the house, taking care of Helena, and making dinner. Whew! And I'm getting sicked out just looking at my natty living room carpet - call the Merry Maids, get the vacuum! Also, before the end of the month, I have to take an exam for the New Testament class I'm taking through BYU. If I make it to Feb. 1 it will be a miracle. Plus, both my mom and Dan's mom have a birthday on Feb. 1. Better get moving on that.

So how would I manage if I had, say, 5 kids? Valium? Day care? Vivarin? Jolt? My grandma had 6 kids and took care of both of her parents in their old age. She managed (according to my mom) by staying up till about 1 am. I guess I could go that route, but the difference is Grandma was productive, whereas I'm on the internet blogging. She was an amazing woman, whereas I'm only anointed to become such.

"Everyday I write the book."

A Whole New Year...

A whole New Year, still "fresh, with no mistakes in it!" as Anne Shirley would say. It's always nice, naturally, to have a fresh start and take the opportunity to review your life and consider your future. Of course, your future can't be determined entirely by yourself, but it's largely what we make of it.

We sent 2005 out with a bang here in N.M. Joel and Caity had all of Dan and Joel's family here - 28 people in all - for a big reunion. It was wonderful! We hadn't all been together like that ever before. Not as married couples, and certainly not with all those fabulous kids! We ate a big dinner, played with the kids, opened gifts, took lots of pictures, and even put up a "confessional" in Joel and Caity's room where each couple talked to the videocamera about the last year and their upcoming goals. I hope we can all do it again sometime.

Something about being with so much family - it's sort of an existential thing, isn't it? It makes me think, because we're all sealed together, and I know that past generations have done many of the same things we have - have children, do reunions, take pictures, work at our jobs, do our callings, etc. And when each person comes to the end of his or her life, the one thing that they consider is FAMILY. Not work or money or hobbies or even charitable work, but family. I was with my grandmother when she passed away, and although she wasn't conscious, I was - very conscious of my responsibility to honor her by living the principles that she taught me. It was the most powerful moment of my life up to that time and it remains one of the most influential ones.

And so I'd like to take just a paragraph and honor my family. Particularly my immediate one. To begin with, I have a husband who really took a risk in marrying me, and with all my faults, I love him so much. Partly it's because he's so amazingly forgiving, but also for his innumerable good qualities, and the best one of all - he's committed unflinchingly to the gospel and to his family. Can't ask for more than that. And then, as a sort of "icing on the cake" move on Heavenly Father's part, he blessed us with a perfectly beautiful, healthy, loving, funny, intelligent daughter. She's a challenge and a ham and, always, a blessing. Someday, maybe we'll have more children to fill up our quiver, who will help us grow in other ways and give us new opportunities to serve (and make us laugh some more).

"I'll build a boat, steady and true, as soon as it's done...I'm going to sail along in a dream with my Dear Someone."

Three More Days

Christmas is SO close! Three days. It's amazing that time can hurry itself up so incredibly fast. Every day I wake up and think of someone else I have to get a present for, or something I forgot to do. I realize that this is NOT the way I should be spending my Christmas season, you know??? My New Year's Resolution is to be more prepared for next year's Christmas. By, say, July.

Today I spoke with my Mom. She said she was having the worst day of her life. But you know, I went over to visit with her tonight but she refused to talk about it. Something to do with work, I guess, but she won't mention it. We got her flowers, but my goodness, what does that solve? The only thing keeping her going is that she gets three days off in a row. She is supposed to have Monday but there's too much work NOT to go in. I said I'd help her. It's difficult when someone you love so much is entirely frustrated and yet you can't really help fix the problem.

On the upside, I went to my sister's nursing home today to listen to the North Muskegon High School choir perform. They did a nice job and the residents loved seeing Helena. I asked Andrea how she could stand seeing these people whose bodies and minds are just wasting and they're so far gone. She said, "Well, I know I love them, and that's all that matters." It didn't strike me at the time how profound that is. Here's the thing: She really does love them. Sometimes they smell a little bit, and they don't talk, and there's no outward beauty. It doesn't make a difference to Andrea...she loves them all.

"Dear Baby Jesus, how tiny Thou art...I'll make a place for Thee in my heart."

Service for the Savior

I was really impressed with my Activity Day girls today. They are always SO thoughtful! They love to do service, so tonight, in honor of Christmas, the girls made no-sew fleece blankets. And not from a kit, either - they actually cut and tied the fabric themselves. Then they wrote letters to military servicemen and signed cards to accompany the blankets (they'll be donated to hospitals). They are such wonderful young ladies. And I'm blessed to work with them.

I also have to share a couple of experiences where something - some may call it Serendipity, I call it Providence - stepped in and made itself known to me. The first is from today. I'd been gone all morning as I had a commitment, and had lessons in the afternoon as well. I'd also committed to bring some things for our ward Christmas baskets and had to make a trip to the store and bake 3 dozen cookies! On top of my already full day, Helena was absolutely crazy - cranky, unwilling to sleep, crying, getting into everything (including things I forgot we had) - you moms know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I actually started to cry, I was so upset - Helena wouldn't go down for her nap and I had students coming in, like, 20 minutes, and I knew lessons were going to be SO HARD, plus she hadn't napped all day. My frustration level was at the MAX. Then my sister Andrea called. I pulled it together to answer the phone, but as soon as she said hello the tears started busting out all over the place. It turns out that her schedule today at work was very flexible, and she offered to come over and watch Helena during my lessons. Thank goodness! Helena loved seeing her and they had great fun...what a relief. My second worry of the day was that these kids were coming for their last lesson ever (I'm giving it up) and I didn't have their Christmas gift - a bag of cookies - ready. They were expecting it, but I hadn't had time to bake anything. So, out of the clear blue sky, my sister Caity showed up at the back door! She said she was making cookies anyway, so she'd bring a dozen over and I could divide them up for my students. Amazing. Heavenly Father knows my needs and he fills them through the service of my sisters.

Here's the other experience, from our trip to Florida this September. We drove down, and the first night we stopped at a hotel to spend the night. When we got there, and we were signing in, we discovered that we were given a discount of nearly $20 less than what we expected to spend! We were happy, but tired, so didn't think too much about it. The next day, we were in Georgia somewhere when we saw a man pulled off on the side of the exit ramp we were on. I said "Dan, pull over" (I have a soft spot for troubled motorists, as I so often am one) and we did. He was driving a dilapidated car and didn't look too healthy. Turns out he'd used up all his gas money on a car repair, but was trying to get home (I've forgotten where home was, I think Louisville?) and had no more gas in the car. Dan went over with him, checked out his story (there really wasn't any gas) and offered to go to a gas station and get him some gas. We left him with the car, bought a gas can and filled it, then gave him a $10 bill we had in cash and went on our way. That night we arrived in Florida at our hotel. While we were signing in, the man said "Sign here if the price and everything is okay." Dan, being more bold than I, said, "Well, can the price be any lower?" The concierge said "Let me check" and knocked the price down by another $25. As we were talking later that night, Dan and I concluded that we saved almost twice the amount on hotels that we gave that man on the exit ramp. Who knows if they were related at all, but you know, I think that the Lord wants to bless us for our good acts. I'm not bragging - we only helped that guy because we'd hope someone would help us if we needed it - and we saved some money in the process.

My point in writing this extraordinarily long email is twofold: One, so I can remember the spiritual experiences I have, and two, so that other people can see that the Lord blesses us in so many ways - but we have to be ready to see them for what they are. It's not just a coincidence that Andrea called when she did, or that Caity stopped by to borrow something when she did, or that we pulled off the road when we did. The Lord could do everything he wanted to by himself but he chooses to give us the opportunity to serve. I hope I can be better about looking for, then taking those opportunities.

The Aunts Go Marching

I have this really great aunt that I haven't known very well for most of my life, but since I've been assigned to be her visiting teacher I've gotten to know her so much better. Her name is Lita (short for Manuelita), and she's my maternal grandfather's sister. She's in a nursing home now, and her memory goes in and out, but she has a fantastic sense of humor. Tonight I went (with my other aunt, Christina, who's only 16 years older than me) and we were asking Lita what she wants for Christmas. She said it doesn't matter what we get her - no matter what it is, she'll have to say she likes it. We all just burst out laughing. You know, I'm glad that even at this late date I've had the opportunity to get to know Lita. She doesn't have any kids or siblings still living or other family, and if it weren't for VT I would never have known her at all. She's so easy to please - bring some pictures and magazines and she's satisfied. And she manages to have a great attitude despite the fact that she's going to be living at this home forever (although it's the nicest one I've ever been in - more of an assisted living deal). I'm grateful for my family.

Winter Wind

This is the title of a song by Jon Schmidt that I really like; it's also a pithy description of the walk that Caity and I took with the girls today. We were absolutely nuts. Just b/c the sun is out does NOT mean that it is warm, or that the winds are calm. We were freezing...let this be a lesson to us.

Dan was home today because tomorrow is our 6th anniversary. It seems like 6 years is very long...wait until 60, knock on wood! He had a job interview today at Double JJ Ranch in Rothbury. They have a graphic designer position open and, since Dan's sort of unsatisfied with his current employment, he thought he'd check it out. Can't hurt to try. I have no idea what they would pay him or what the benefits would be (although discounts on dining and hotel sound pretty good), but if he had more autonomy and less managerial pressure (a la Office Space) I think he'd be happier. Plus, the whole "back to nature" thing appeals to him. He's still gone, so I can't report how the interview went.

I'm so excited for my sisters, Andrea and Caity, who are both pregnant and expecting boys this April. It's unbelieveable, really, that they COULD have their babies so close together that I could visit them both at the same hospital. I remember when I was pregnant with Helena that I worried if there would be any kids for her to play with. Now there are so many...it gives me faith in the whole "multiply and replenish the earth" commandment. It really is the thing that brings more joy than any other - forever families.

For the past few days, for no reason in particular, I haven't been listening to much Christmas music, and it's really affected my holiday spirit. I seem to be so much more excited whilst singing "Silver Bells" and waltzing around the kitchen. Please, don't torture yourselves with a mental image of this. My new commitment is to GORGE on the wonderful music that I can only, with propriety, listen to once annually.

One last bit of bragging about Helena - she's recently learned how to do different animal noises, and she can imitate elephants, snakes, tigers, cats, owls...it's hilarious! We get the biggest kick out of it. The funny thing is, she only says a handful of words. I'm wondering if, by speaking animal first, she's just preparing for the language explosion that is to come. Seriously, can any child of mine NOT be wonderfully verbal?

"Long years ago, on a deep winter night...high in the heavens a star shone bright..."

White Christmas

This is one of my favorite movies - that is, "White Christmas." Sure, it's predictable in plot and characters but it has zip and charm that a lot of films don't have anymore. And of course, it's inextricably linked with Christmas in my mind, so I love it for tradition too. And you can't beat the music. I am an unabashed Irving Berlin fan.

Yesterday I was down in the dumps, but after a little Helena break (to do Christmas shopping this morning) I'm feeling back to my old self. I think that we homemakers just get a little lonely and are too prone to introspection because we aren't dealing with other adults so much. My cures for depression are work/action and good music...

Dan and I took Helena with us on a date today (no baby-sitters available!) and had a fantastic time. Our date included dinner at Chili's, sort of a splurge for us, and then (is this lame?) a visit to Valueland (a local thrift store.) While there we ran into our friend Pete from high school. We've all changed a lot but it was great to see him and catch up with him and his wife.

Tomorrow is a busy Sunday (they all are now) including the usual spate of callings and two choir rehearsals, then the Christmas broadcast from Salt Lake. Next weekend will be fun - it's our 6th anniversary - as Dan is taking off Friday and Monday. We haven't made any firm plans about what to do, but I'm excited just to have some time with Dan as this week has been busy.

I'm grateful for a wonderful best friend who always knows what to say to cheer me up. Like Moses and Aaron, kind of.

"If you're worried and you can't sleep, just count your blessings instead of sheep." - Irving Berlin

All new lows

I wonder if all parents have days like today or if I just need some Zoloft, but there it is. Helena's been on a weird schedule all day, and in a bad mood for most of it. And lately she's started to be a little aggressive with Emma and Bennie (our cat). All very disturbing. Finally, because I felt like I was losing it and I have lessons this afternoon, I have turned on the Baby Einstein (that's right, TV as babysitter for 10 minutes!) and I actually gave Helena a peanut butter cookie. She's not really old enough for sweets, but considering the fact that her grandma gives her Squirt from the can (just a few sips - still!), I don't feel too bad. Caity assured me that she sometimes has days like this, when Emma drives her nuts despite her love for her child. One thing I've learned about low-grade, yucky-day depression is that it helps to get moving. The more you DO the better you FEEL. How many psychologists give that advice before they write out the prescription, I wonder? So, maybe once I start lessons and get going that way I'll feel a little more initiative. (By the way, just the idea of quitting lessons is making life easier - knowing there's an end to all of this!)

The other thing lurking about in the back of my mind is CHRISTMAS! Thanksgiving will be pretty low-key, but it seems like there is always so much to do at the last minute during Christmastime that we don't appreciate the season like we should. Hard to focus on the Savior when we're frantically shopping, baking, decorating, whatever. I have some decorations out already and have at least addressed some of my cards but...

I have no profound thoughts to share today.

Cheers!

Burning boo-boos

I've decided that the reason that Will Ferrell is so totally funny is because he has NO inhibition at ALL. I'm laughing so hard I'm about to run to the bathroom. Honestly. And he can keep a straight face.

So, yesterday Helena burned her sweet little paw at my mom's house. She was sitting on the counter (I know, I've told Mom a million times not to put her up there!) and reached up and touched a halogen light under the cupboard. I never would have thought THAT would happen...I was concerned that she was going to fall off, not burn her hand. Anyway, at her well-baby checkup today the Dr. had to treat the burn. Now her hand is wrapped in gauze and she has to wear a mitten so she doesn't pull the gauze off. It's kind of cute - she wants me to kiss it anytime someone mentions it. I have magical healing powers. It's terrible to say this, but she has an enormous blister - I can't believe how big it is! - and yet, she doesn't seem affected by it almost at all. The good news is that she's in the 75 percentile and healthier than most horses, except possibly thoroughbreds that cost a million bucks. Maybe. Even so, she had to suffer through two shots. Poor girl.

I'm off to bed. Early tomorrow (8:20am!) we'll be at the JCPenney Portrait Studio getting Christmas photos, then off to the Dr. to have the blister lanced. Great, huh? And Dan has the day off! Yippee!

By the way, we have three inches of snow on the ground. Shhhh - I hear Bing Crosby! "I'm dreaming..."

My Crazy Kid

Helena has really gotten into putting things on her head. For example, right now she has a big plastic mixing bowl on her head. This makes me think of the movie "Parenthood," one of our favorites around here. She's also becoming a real whiz at her colors and shapes. We've been using different colored plastic utensils to learn colors - she divides them up into red, blue, etc. and puts them in different baskets. She's got the shape-sorter mastered. BUT, Helena doesn't talk much. Just a few words - "Duck" and "Emma" being two of them. Yesterday, though, Helena started using "Dada" in a meaningful way (it was the only way to get her dad's attention, as he was helping Joel with a shower installation at the time.) It was precious.

The other news here is that winter is definitely coming. Last night we had a High Wind Advisory, and they weren't kidding...and there's snow predicted for today. Already we're halfway through November and I haven't done ANY Christmas shopping/preparation. I'd like to be done, say, in August.

One last (big) thing - I've decided to stop giving music lessons, except for family or church friends. Just having made the decision was a big deal, but of course now I have to tell everybody, which is difficult. What it finally came down to was not being able to give sufficient attention to Helena and whatever student I had at the time. And yes, I could have hired a babysitter or took up every afternoon of Caity's week, but that means I would have been basically teaching for charitable purposes. And anyway, Caity's going to have her hands full(er) pretty soon, too. It's a good thing.

"It's that time of year when the world falls in love!"

Keeping it Simple

This has to be short because it's already 10:15pm and I'm coming down with a wicked case of the Bird flu. Well, maybe it's just regular flu. Whatever kind it is, I don't appreciate it stopping by and reproducing in my body. Tonight we went to Caity and Joel's house for Emma's first birthday party. It was wonderful - tasty cake and ice cream, games, presents, and lots of baby-watching. Emma and Helena are so much fun to watch together! They give each other kisses and play peek-a-boo and stuff like that. It's neat. Joel also gave a really excellent talk today about perseverance. If I remember to I'll give more details about it tomorrow. It was a very busy Sunday but good. (Except the bird flu thing.)

I also got an email from one of my cousins I haven't talked to in a couple of years, I guess, and it was great! Family is truly the most important thing in our lives, and I should take it more seriously, particularly the extended family part.

We've had a horrifying windstorm going on since last night. I was absolutely convinced within myself that the dead oak tree limbs above our house were going to crash into our house and kill us in our beds, but, happily, we all survived with no incident.

We're really getting into the whole Christmas thing around here - all the radio stations are already playing Christmas music and I think that, health willing, I will get out some of the decorations tomorrow...not the tree, naturally...

Here's a thought spurred by another talk (not Joel's) in church today:

It's not what we DO, nor is it what we want to BE that will determine our eternal progression or our temporal/eternal happiness...it's who we ARE.

How do we change/improve who we are? Through building our testimonies of the Savior - then the actions will follow (Elder Glenn L. Pace).

Cheers!

Food and gratitude

I apologize for my tendency towards pontification in this blog. To balance the overwhelming amount of my own sometimes scattered thoughts, I'd like to share a story from our Stake Conference this morning and thus make this worth reading.

Today Elder Glenn L. Pace spoke at our Stake Conference (kind of a big deal here in Michigan). He was relaying an experience he had with President Hinckley. They were alone in a room together on assignment, and Pres. Hinckley asked Elder Pace how his son's mission was. Now, Elder Pace didn't even realize that Pres. Hinckley knew about his son, or that he'd recently returned from his mission. Elder Pace shared a lot of information about the social and political climate in Russia, where his son had served. Pres. Hinckley said, "I know all of that. How was his mission, really?" Elder Pace thought about it, then said this: "We took our son to a celebratory dinner at Sizzler (a buffet restaurant). My wife and I filled our plates and went to sit down, but realized that our son was just standing, plate in hand, in front of the salad bar. We walked towards him and realized as we got closer that there were tears in his eyes. I said, 'Son, are you okay?' He replied, 'Dad, I can't eat.' I said, 'Are you feeling sick? What do you mean you can't eat?' He looked at me and said, 'For our last farewell dinner in Russia, we had a meal with one of our favorite convert families. Dinner was a bowl of soup, and two apples cut in half. I just can't eat.'" At this point, Elder Pace noticed that Pres. Hinckley was weeping - that's the word he used, weeping - and Pres. Hinckley said, "He had a good mission."

Naturally, I cried too. I was in public, so I couldn't weep. But I have, after big disasters like the tsunami and Hurricane Katrina, and at the terrible (and largely needless) death of impoverished people all over the world. We all try to help. But Elder Pace exhorted us today to do a little bit more. Be a little better, serve a little better, have a little bit brighter attitude, etc. Since we're the only creatures capable of self-reflection maybe now is a good time for me to think over my blessings and look for ways to share them.

And I have to add this - on the other side of the coin, I saw a yellow Porsche Roadster in the parking lot at church after conference with the license plate "SUCSES1." And I knew the people getting into it. And after all, if you can afford a Porsche Roadster, perhaps there are other ways to spend that money...but that's just my un-asked-for opinion.

"The key to happiness is service."

Notes from a small peninsula

This little peninsula has been busy lately! Lots of activity here in North Muskegon...Homecoming, concerts, parades, Halloween, and of course (and this is the biggest of all!) the transformation of the Deephouse into the Soelberg house! We're calling the Joel Soelberg family the "Mills Soelberg" family (after the street name they live on.) It's really amazing how much progress has been made since the closing on Friday, and I have to say that honestly I'm a little jealous...not of the work, but of what the end result will be. It has Dan and I thinking that we might have to put an addition on to our house. We love the neighborhood we live in, and don't want to move too far (especially now that our new neighbors have moved in - it's the most desirable part of Muskegon County!). We've done the math and determined that it's the cheapest way to have a house with twice the space, and big enough to fit a few more kids into. At least, that's what we're hoping. Sometimes change is good. Other times I just appreciate the joy of seeing small changes in my hometown, like the change of the seasons or someone's new garden.

To be truthful, there isn't much other news. But I've been pontificating, so at this point, the blog will change from a news report of my life to a strange (not weird!) journey into my mind...(it's easier to understand than, say, Stephen Hawking's):

My friend and former visiting teacher, Sandy Kempf, gave a wonderful talk a couple of Sundays ago about our responsibility to our fellow brothers and sisters in the church (and by extension, everyone, although we've made covenants to help our church families). It made me think of the history of our local ward and the various ways we've pulled together to help. Joel and Caity's new home teacher is Doug Cengiz. He was also the man in our ward that my dad lived with, right after both of them were divorced, until they could find lodgings on their own (strangely, they both remarried women named Pam.) I remember being somewhere around 9 years old and so homesick...but Doug always made me feel comfortable in their house, despite the fact that I must have been a big annoyance sometimes. I recall that being a deeply lonely time in my life (I had another one when I was 19 at college) and he shined out as a friend. He still is. My worry is that I haven't been enough of a friend to my ward family. I try, but who knows what influence we have? Caity called me the "ward sweetheart" (I think it was a compliment), but is it enough to just be liked by everyone? Yeah, I can make jokes, but what do I really DO for others besides that? I was thinking that one of the happiest people I know is my (now deceased) Grandma Nelson, and her life was a model of service to others, starting with her large family and extending next to her neighbors and ward family. I wish my own weaknesses didn't hamper my good desires.

I will say that having Caity and Joel with us these last few weeks has been extraordinarily good for me. It's helped me to be less selfish, more understanding, more organized (out of necessity) and more willing to extend myself. Truly, I won't look back on this time with any degree of annoyance - just gratitude that we could do anything to help them to move here! And I'll smile at our youthful excitement at new houses, fresh paint, and endless possibility.

"Time it was, and what a time it was, it was a time of innocence, a time of confidences." That's from a song by Simon and Garfunkel (of course - my goodness, what else would you expect from me?) that I discovered as a young teenager. Even now, a scant 10 years later, I marvel that I've gotten so much older, and gone through so many changes - accepted so much responsibility, gotten married, had a child, and so on. And all of my friends from then have done the same. I saw Dave Nash on Sunday - he was an original member of the MoTab - and his wife is due in 2 months. Kaleb, Megan, Caity - all married, with children. I guess time will just keep rushing by and when I get to the end, like my Grandma, what will I say? "Where did it go?" Or, "I still have so much to do!" Or, "I'm ready to go. I miss my family!" Or maybe I'll be twinkled, if it's time.

I wish I could gather all of my friends around me and relive some of those times again, but this time, we'd be covered in children...

A Little Bit About Me For Your Files

So, it's been over a month - a MONTH - since I've updated this blog, and that is unacceptable to me. I feel a real responsibility to my fan base to keep this going. Besides, there is a lot to share here.

We've had Joel, Caity, and Emma here living with us for about the last 3 weeks. Actually, it's been awesome in a lot of ways. Usually I tell people that and they're like, "That must be really difficult since you have such a small house." I appreciate both the insult to my home's size and the implication that four adults and two babies can't get along for a little while. It is true that we've all had some moments of frustration, whether we've admitted it or not, but I think that if the patience award were to be awarded today, it would go to Caity. She is pregnant, not feeling well at all, and vomiting almost every day. All while living in somebody else's house, and getting sick in somebody else's toilet. You know? Plus, she has to act nice and happy and stuff b/c I'm always around during the day. I remember the first trimester of my pregnancy was spent mostly in my bedroom (although plenty of time at the porcelain god), crying, reading, sleeping, and praying for it to stop. Caity's been so mature compared to that! I'm proud of her. Good news is, they close on their house Friday and with lots of work and the promise of Elders Quorum assistance, they should be able to move in sometime next week. That is, as long as they can get that nasty smell under control! We are going to have so much fun.

This weekend Kaleb, Suz, Roz, and Spencer all came down to visit us from their new home in Suttons Bay (near Traverse City). It was fantastic to talk and relax with them. We all had dinner at G&L (a local hot dog and burger place, famous here in Muskegon) and while we were sitting at the table, I had this vision of all of us as high schoolers...who would have guessed then that we'd all still be friends, shooting the bull over dogs and soda, with 4 kids (and two on the way) all around us? It was so...existential. Wonderful.

I am assimilating the stress of lots of people lately. My slate of church responsibilities is full, I'm preparing for a recital with my students, trying to help increase membership in Music Boosters, planning and executing a Christmas program including two ward choirs and narration, helping Joel and Caity get settled into their new house, planning on how to help my pregnant friends/family in various ways, taking care of my regular schedule of lessons and Helena...then I worry over my mom, who has so much difficulty at work, and Dan, who really doesn't like his job that well. I think I've always done this. I remember times as a teenager when people would confide in me and I'd lose sleep over it.

On the bright side, Dan and I are talking over some plans (future - maybe next year?) to make improvements to our home. We love this house - our "House of Dreams," you Anne Shirley fans - and we love this neighborhood. Instead of having to move and purchase an "in-between" house, we thought we could more than double the square footage on our house right now. It would likely take between $10,000 and $20,000, and we'd like to save as much of that as we can rather than have to take out a loan, but it would still give us a VERY reasonable house payment with more than twice the house.

Also, I'm reading this excellent book (I got the recommendation from Bas Bleu, a booksellers catalog) called "Educating Alice" by Alice Steinbach. It is marvelous, engaging reading. It's the experiences of a woman (I think just pas middle age) who decides to travel to various places in the world to learn very specific skills and become, temporarily, part of the culture. I just finished the first chapter, where she lives in Paris and attends the Ritz cooking school. Maybe someday...

Since this blog is longer than is probably allowed, I guess I'll stop.

How about a quote?

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion!" - Truvy, "Steel Magnolias"