Wednesday Morning 3 A.M.

It is so incredible that we've seen such a remarkable effort by the American public to help those hurt by Hurricane Katrina. Regardless of what the government does or doesn't do, the PEOPLE want to help and are being generous in doing so. I'm proud of all of us for pulling together...but why does it take a major disaster?

Well gosh, I don't have much to say. Honestly. Tonight Dan went to Scouts and Helena and I gossiped in the alley with Alan, Amy, Emma, and Hutch. The White House (Joel and Caity's future residence) has really galvanized the neighborhood into friendship in a roundabout sort of way. It's so much fun to have friends!

Now, I just have to say this...why is it that practically EVERY PERSON I know (well, the women, anyway) is pregnant? Did I mention this already? Because since I wrote that post, I found out about, like, three more babies getting ready to enter this world. Amazing.

Tomorrow night I have to make 5 pies for an event at church. Pie crusts always get me a little, well, stressed. Wish me luck. When they turn out, they turn out WELL, but if not, it's just a big argument with increasingly tough pastry.

"Remarkable claims require remarkable proof." - Carl Sagan

Good times, good times

I'm having hard time absorbing the enormity of the hurricane disaster along the Gulf coast. It is so horrifying, so present, and so CLOSE - the tsunami last year was thousands of miles away...this is only about 20 hours from me. In May of 1998, there was a severe wind storm here in Western Michigan which left huge oak and maple trees strewn across roads, cars, and homes. We were without power for 5 days. It was scary, but it brought out the best in people. I just try to imagine no power for months, possibly, or no access to clean water, no home, no car, no way to leave my top-floor apartment. And New Orleans, a city of so much history and vibrance, is practically totally underwater. I live very close to three bodies of water - Bear Lake, Muskegon Lake, and Lake Michigan. Although I'm on a hill, just imagine...one powerful thing that's come of this whole thing is that I am newly committed to having 72 hour kits available for each of us, as well as a full-stocked and waterproofed food storage.

One other, and less serious (when I put it in perspective) issue that comes from this tragedy is the $1 per gallon increase in gas prices. How obnoxious! If I lived in Chicago or somewhere I'd use public transport, but here we have to drive to go anywhere...it's too spread out. We'll just continue to conserve, and to cut back in other areas.

On the brighter side - the MUCH brighter side! - was our fantastic visit this evening with Kaleb, Suzanne, Rozlyn, and Spencer. What a great family! They're good examples for us. They stopped in to see us on their way to their new home in Northern MI. We had a meal together, the kids played, the adults chatted, and Spencer FINALLY felt good enough about our cat to give him a little pet! Breakthrough! We were really sorry to see them go, but then we know we have an excellent excuse to visit them and enjoy the Traverse City area. If you guys are reading this - we love you!

Good friends and the hope of a better future - that's why this post is about "Good times."
"I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep..."

"Yesterday don't matter if it's gone!"

"We will not heed the voice of the Stranger, for he would lead us down to despair"

Two posts, one day

Wow! Too much excitement for this Suburban Mom. We had some friends over (I went to school with them) tonight for dinner, and it was wonderful! No awkardness, no feeling like I had to pick up the house, just for them. Easy conversation, plenty of big, hearty belly laughs. I don't have anything in particular to say about it except that I'm grateful for good friends, happy times, laughing and loving and LIVING completely.

And, I'm thankful in a deep way that man has traveled to the moon. I know that I never will...no question there. Too scared, really, after the Challenger and Columbia disasters. But isn't it wonderful, in an existential way, to know that we've achieved it as a race? And with such limited technology and knowledge. We didn't even know what the universe was MADE of, and on faith, with some scientific proofs, away we went. I've been learning about string theory and poverty lately (not in the same book), and they both have so much to do with the gospel. That's what is SO exciting - it's deeper than you think. The truth is, if we continue to allow 1/6 of the world to live in extreme poverty, what other truly important discoveries will we miss? Or wait 100 more years to find? People who are busy looking for their next meal can't look for new universes, or apply string theory to everyday existence, or have anything to give in service to others.

"God of sun and moon, God of ocean tides, You who drive the stars, You of perfect light - Teach me how to sing." - Judy Collins

So Much News

It's unbelieveable how many changes are happening right now, all around me. Not so much TO me, but around me. To begin with, the leaves on the trees are already changing colors. Is it really fall, so soon? Last night there was a football game at the school - we played Holton, and this is just a guess, but I think we won. School is starting soon, which means my schedule of lessons will pick up, at least to some extent. And there will be that new "feeling" in the air. The construction on the road in front of our house is almost complete, so there will be the usual traffic noise (we've enjoyed quiet for about 2 months now). In three weeks we're off on vacation to Florida - a visit with Dan's mom and a week at Disney World. Friends and family are moving back to "Zion," which we be just wonderful. And, as I said a few posts ago, there will be a marvelous influx of new spirits into the world in 2006. All in all, a busy but happy immediate future ahead.

"Wish I was an English muffin about to make the most out of a toaster...I'd ease myself down, coming up brown..."

Promise to my posterity

I know that this will be corny in the extreme for anyone reading it, I have to put it out there because (as I've explained before) this is more my personal journal than anything else. I have two parents and two stepparents. They all have their positive and negative traits, but from them I've learned a couple of things and made a few decisions so that, hopefully, my parenting will begin an "evolution" for my posterity; that is, that the parenting will improve as the generations pass. Here we go:

I will not be critical. I can give guidance, advice, and plain old commands to my underage children, but after they're adults, the criticism or advice won't be given unless asked for, and then only given in love.

My love for my children will be - and must be - totally unconditional. If I can't do that, how can I be a Christlike parent to my children?

I will parent using love unfeigned, gentleness, and persuasion rather than coercion, guilt, or mental abuse.

Easy, right? Ha ha. The thing is, our own neuroses can come out in our children. Not a problem if, like most of you, you have no neuroses, but for me (I'm loaded with them!) it's more difficult. I am constantly trying to meet my mother's impossibly high standards and you know what? WHO CARES what her standards are, or my students' parents, or my friends or other family members? If I am living the PRINCIPLES of the gospel it really does not matter what the PRACTICES are. That's the beautiful thing about it - we don't have to live the gospel in exactly the same way as long as we are living the gospel.

I hope we've all had enough pontificating.

"Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind. Ain't life unkind?"

Babies, babies everywhere!

Amazing! So many people are pregnant right now! I'm not pregnant at this point, but it's such an interesting time - lots of my friends and family busy replenishing the earth! It brings so much joy. Helena has been bringing me some joy. She likes to give kisses through the screen door in our kitchen! She couldn't get cuter, I'll tell you what. We have a great time together. I'm trying as hard as I can to be the sort of mother that Heavenly Father wants me to be. It takes some time, and effort, to find out what that is, exactly. But it's worth the work and the learning curve.

I really believe that it's through the family that we fulfill the measure of our creation.

"Time goes by, but we'll be together - You and I!"

Short and Sweet

Today is cloudy and dreary in the extreme! To top it all off, Helena's teething and cranky, and I'm just plain cranky. It seems like the worse my mood is, the worse everything seems to go - as in, everything that can go wrong, will.

On the other hand, we'll finally get some rain to keep things green, and Helena's creating the most lovely modern-style artwork. The two of us are enjoying some great, soothing music, and we're blessed to have a functioning air-conditioning system.

In short, life is good.

"Music is a balm to the soul, a healer to the body, and a revelation to the mind."

Why?

Whenever something absolutely horrifying happens in my life, the first question I ask is, "Why?" I'm sure you wonder, too - why does God let awful things happen to genuinely good people? I got some bad news today about a family I'm friends with (one of my students). The thing is, this family is a group of really generous, loving, religious people, and they still had to endure an untimely death in the family. They aren't members of my church, but I know they believe in God and his plan...they are really much better as far as Christian living goes than many people I know from church! So it's clear that God doesn't give us trials to punish us. The reality is, everyone has free will. Heavenly Father, I think, doesn't intervene at every juncture - sometimes he just lets things happen, knowing that they will be tests and trials for us, but that they will make us better people. Still - and this is a big STILL - when our loved ones are taken from us (especially when they are still young, and have young children), the veil remains in place and we don't get to see those people again, at least in this life. It takes a TREMENDOUS amount of faith to move on. And the sorrow is almost overwhelming. This person who died - I don't even know him, but I know and love his family, and I wish there were words I could say, or something I could do, that would help. Instead, all I can do is pray for their comfort. I can't wait until the Millenium, when we'll be "twinkled" instead. All this separation is so difficult.

"What greater gift dost thou bestow...than Christlike friends..."

Time for Travel

Don't you sometimes get the urge to travel? Lately I've been on a self-education spin, using tapes and DVD's from the library to help me travel vicariously. Let's face it, any overseas travel would be difficult and/or nearly impossible right now, with money concerns, just two weeks of vacation, and a one-year-old toddler. On the other hand, I have always had this inner urge, and hey, I'll just be that much more ready when circumstances do come together to allow us to go. My greatest hope is that we can serve a mission together when we're oldish. In the meantime we'll learn of and enjoy the U.S.A.

I went to a fantastic fireside tonight. The speaker, who is the grandson of Charles Henry Hackley (he of the Hackley Library, Hackley Hospital, etc. here in Muskegon) is now a member of the church and offered to do a fireside while he was in town. The one thing he said that really struck me is that once you find something you're passionate about get moving on it, the Lord opens doors to make things happen, whether it's finding a long-lost ancestor while doing genealogy or something equally amazing. We just have to do it with enthusiasm. It got me thinking - I don't have a lot of talents, and I might not have much in this department, but MUSIC seems to be the thing I get most excited about. Perhaps we can pull something together that will act as a missionary tool and bring the Spirit to those who listen.

THRILLED about our upcoming trip to Disney World! Additonally excited about our new Michigan Move-Ins. How wonderful! Does it get any better than family and friends?

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion!" - Truvy, "Steel Magnolias"

Animal crackers

I have this bag of animal crackers in front of me, and darn it if they aren't the most delicious things I've ever eaten! I could finish it off, but I won't - after all, it's a bunch of disgusting, processed, high-fructose-corn-sugarized junk, and I should never have purchased it at all. I really bought it for some easy convenience food for Helena. Generally, I give her much better food that I take for myself - she eats fruit, I make a microwave S'more. I'm getting better. Improving, making better choices. You know.

This world is a small one. I had the opportunity to spend some time with a friend from Sweden. She is a sweet, intelligent, beautiful, fun person, and it was wonderful to see her again. It's amazing how different we all are culturally, but also how alike we are when it comes to the human feelings we all have. Maybe someday, if I'm fortunate, I can travel around the world and explore this feeling a little further.

One random thing - why do we even turn on this television? It completely drains all coherent thought from the mind.

Our sweet Helena gets better all the time - she is beautiful, funny, full of personality and energy. Much more energy than me! Tonight I had a great chat with an old friend and realized that we have to enjoy the lovely and special moments with our kids while we can, because in 20 years we'll have a moment where we realize that it's all a blur.

Aren't you glad that you don't live in New York City? Hope that I don't offend anyone with that. It's more like this - I'M glad I don't live in NYC.

"You pull me like the moon pulls on the tide."

A Whole Lotta Nothing

I see that my blog is being read and enjoyed by, well, nobody. But the plus is, this "online" journal is keeping my personal history rocking even if I don't want to take pen to paper. Thanks to Glenn Burek's faithful tutelage, I can type much more quickly than I can write.

Tonight I'm working at the Family History Center. It's a volunteer gig, but I enjoy the time. Frequently no patrons will come in, which leaves me with lots of free time to do homework, email friends, read books...tonight it's blogging, with some organ practice and homework thrown in to help me feel more productive.

Helena and I have been to the beach a couple of times this week. The water finally warmed up enough that we could get in without being rushed to the hospital immediately afterwards for emergency re-warming. There was also a fantastic breeze today that kicked up some waves, thrilling almost everyone except Helena, who was a little freaked out. Didn't help that she was two hours overdue for a nap! I realized again how lucky we are to live in this beautiful little dot on the planet. The Discovery astronauts can probably look down and see Michigan - it's an obvious mitten shape - but they likely have no idea how gorgeous Muskegon is. Lake Michigan, as a body of water and a fun place to play, beats the ocean every time. Sand's better, water's better, and it doesn't smell weird. Unless you surf. I'll cede that point. And it has a wonderful power to refresh your spirit that is understood only by those who've really needed it, and found it, at Lake Michigan. Just think about the times you've had there - Sky, you know what I'm talking about! - when you've had a really spiritual experience that the rhythm of the waves and the peace of the breeze induce. It's lovely.

"Open your eyes, look up to the skies and SEE!"

It's a beautiful day

There are so many good things about life right now! Joel and Caity are coming to MI, my friend from Sweden (and my daughter's namesake) Helena is here, a good friend of mine just told me she has finally gotten pregnant after a long time of trying, a book I have wanted forever but wasn't willing to pay $25 for finally came up for $2 on ebay...the list goes on. I had a great piano lesson with one of my favorite students today, got a chance to take a really long (and, alas, sweaty) walk, finished up plenty of chores, picked out some music for the ward choir (I'm the director), and had a lovely and friendly picnic with my family and some friends from CA. There are so many things to add, but in short, I have a charmed life right now. I always get just a little nervous when things are good like this - when will the bottom drop out? I realized last night that the bottom just might NOT drop out. Maybe life can be beautiful, despite the sorrows that can come to all of us. As long as they aren't sorrows we put upon ourselves through bad choices, they won't be as painful. Aren't we lucky to live in a world where life can be so rich? Where we no longer have to worry so intensely about the basics of life - food, medicine, shelter?

I end this blah, blah, blah with a quote, as usual:

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller

Grateful

I have nothing good to say today. It's been pretty slow here in NM...

I practiced the organ today - I have to play a week from Sunday, and I don't really know what I'm doing. It's amazing how much harder it is to learn to play a new instrument as an adult. Helena was with me, but I don't think she was really willing to be there. She's been out of sorts because of her "monster molars." We also stopped at the library, where I had to make small talk with a former teaching colleague of mine. She's very nice and everything, but there was some "faketitude" there. I have to say, I'm so glad that practically any movie, CD, or book you could ever dream of is available from the interlibrary loan system. And, it's free. Can't beat it!

Dan is working hard right now on the computer, creating a few websites (or at least putting them together.) He is satisfied with his job, but he doesn't love it. I think that he'll probably work for a few more years and then branch off and do something else. For now, the freelance will help us to build up our savings account and begin to save for retirement.

No creative juices flowing here, so rather than bore everyone, I'll "sign off."

"And you read your Emily Dickinson, and I my Robert Frost,
and we note our place with bookmarkers that measure what we've lost."

Comparisons and Covetousness

Did you ever consider how comparing yourself with others goes along with coveting what others have? Inevitably you think, "Geez, her hair looks so good." Then, before you can stop yourself, it's "I wish that I had hair like that." What's up with that? Can we all just be happy with what we've got? Insecurity is one of the hallmarks of my personality.

After all, life is good! We are all blessed with different gifts and the ability to ask for more if we really think we need them. Instead of worrying so much about the gifts we don't have, let's all use the ones we've got.

Dan and I made up some chocolate milk tonight. We made it this big treat. Sure, you might think that's lame, but honestly, once you hit a certain point in life, it doesn't take a whole lot. We also watched a program about the United States Secret Service, which was intensely interesting. It's unbelievable how much it takes in terms of resources to keep the President mobile and even moderately accessible.

Helena Marie is teething - serious teeth, too, big giant molars and stuff that haven't quite pushed through. She's remarkably good-spirited considering. Her new favorite activity involves pushing her strollers and walkers up and down the alley. BUT she leaves plenty of time to play with her neighbor across the street, Emma, who's 2. Emma helps her learn how to eat corn on the cob, shoot a basket, and climb up the slide the wrong way. Helena's other full-time playmate is our cat, Bennie. He endures much abuse at her hands - headlocks, tail-tugs, "heavy petting" (where she bangs really hard on his back), and the incredibly endearing "head butts and rubs" (they head butt, then she rubs her head against his. Cute.) He takes what he can get, as he used to be the #1 King of the House. He's now somewhere in 9th place behind dishes, diapers, books, etc.

Tomorrow we're off to the library and other various and sundry errands.

"Please don't confront me with my failures - I had not forgotten them."

Many thanks to Caity for cheering me up yesterday.

Attitude

It's all about attitude, isn't it? Generally, outside of some huge cosmic events, whether or not you have a good day is all about you. I wish that I had better control over mine! Age and experience are helping in that department.

And in that spirit I add this from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

Yesterday Helena played hard outside - up and down the alley, all over our yard and the neighbors', basically going crazy. We brought her in for lunch at about 11am, and right in the middle of her cheese course, she fell asleep. Right there in the high chair, one hand still gripping the cheese, the other arm under her head. I didn't know that was possible. She is astonishing! It is so fulfilling to watch her grow and continue to develop her (strong - are you surprised?) personality. She's very good at shaking her head "yes" and "no" - mostly "no" - and she's currently fascinated with stairs. We love her.

It is so stinking hot!

Beauty without words

It is beyond incredible that music can speak so much more clearly, more honestly, more specifically than any other communication, but that it can never be described justly. It's just impossible to convey the right feelings outside of actually experiencing it. And the listening experience is different than the creating experience, although sometimes just as powerful (especially if you realize that, hey, you're not that good at, say, the bassoon.)

That was heavy! On a lighter note...

After posting on everybody else's blogs, I dusted off the PC and got busy making my own. (Our Mac has some trouble loading the site. Beyond that I have no idea what's going on.) Let's hope it's worth something. I really do feel the pressure. Hey, if it's a quantity over quality thing, I'm all set!

Tonight Dan and I finally broke out of our protective coating and broke bread with our neighbors. They are great people, young like us with one daughter, and we had an absolute blast. Thanks to Caity and Joel's invisible hand, we're bonding over all the neighborhood issues and all the richer for it. Much as we like the dates we go on once in a while, it was fun to bond with another fam like our own.

If anyone's interested in WHY I was losing it over music earlier in the post...well, you've felt that way too.